Davemania

Thursday, February 02, 2006

An Eternity In Hell - Sort Of

I have a relative that I cant avoid. No one can. Unless you have one hour or in some cases up to four hours to spare - never ask him any question that requires 1 to 5 seconds to answer. He cant do it. It is "almost" impossible for the guy to even deliver a simple "yes" or "no" answer. He has this innate need to drag out any answer he has to give, never mind you are in a hurry or have something else to do that requires mediate attention - he's determined you will hear him out to the very last agonizing detail.

He purchased some fish recently and some died. I asked him how many died then only after the question left my lips did I realize what I was in for. Arning bells went off too buggery' late. He started in..., "well...., I purchased two neons, three [whatevers] and four [another type] and had them for about two days. I purchased them at Walmart and...."

I at that point interrupt - "Nooooo. How many died? Not how many you bought, not their life history. How many died?"

"Well - like I was saying", he started up again..., "I bought em at Walmart and ....".. sees my mounting frustration...'Two. Two died. I don't know why. One died yesterday and the other one died last night...." and yap yap yap on he went.

While I acknowledge that hell must be an extremely agonizing place - Its hard to imagine it as a mere mortal as worse than this relative's inability to answer a question with a simple, short, answer instead of launching into a narrative of, War and Peace. I guess most people have moments when we feel a need to explain things - but come on! Almost every single time? ***grimaces*** I love the guy as my kin but give it a rest already.

Posted at 05:58 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(5) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Sometimes, You Get What You Pay For

What Dave Does In His Spare Time

CHECK THIS OUT! Amazon has a SPECIAL Low Price on the Beany and Cecil DVD I have been wanting forever. Is this a JOKE? (Click Me Hard) The price doesnt somehow make any sense. GRRRR I think the seller has bought up all the cheap copies across the net then jacking the price up - because he's the only one that has them to sell anywhere. Just a theory

Posted at 06:53 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(16) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Monday, January 30, 2006

Stand Back! I Could Be Contagious!!!

My liver enzymes were high again - and now I gotta be tested for Hepatitis. WHAT!!!? I hope I don't have that stuff. So while I'm waiting for the results of that test - I looked up info on the net. I particularly like this one websites recommendations for me to call the doctor upon death . One of the "possible" symptoms of hepatitis. But is it the calling or the actual death thats the symptom?

I'm just kinda worried how I'll pay those kind of phone charges anyway - and am wondering if TracFone has service on the other side. I heard Cingular does but don't know of any instances where its been put to the test, but hey - I prefer "pay as you go" over the monthly billing.

So yeah - I may have one or two possible symptoms, but those are "possibly but not sure" symptoms. Anyway - I felt strange like.., my doctor knew somehow that I was seeing another doctor behind his back. I fidgeted. He made a strange comment.., "Didn't I see you somewhere outside this office the other day?"

Cheeze Louise! (i thought) He knows. He saw me go to Dr Krishna's office. But hey - that means nothing. I could have been going to the pharmacy in the same building for all he knows. But wait! My doctor knows what pharmacy I use and that ain't it. "Uhm - I.., I don't think so, Doc. Maybe it was someone else." Doc looked at me with suspicion. "Maybe," he said.

I played the role of a harlot rather well - sticking to my guns, not to be rattled. Yes, it was a dangerous game, but if I held my ground putting on my best poker face I could win this thing. He was non the wiser - or - was he!?

Anywho I didn't bring up the fact my foot was killing me, and I even braved walking into the office without crutches. Crutches I thought I was free from... and thus I cleared that hurdle. I don't want this man treating my foot nor the new doctor because I don't think either one of them know whats going on there.. Cramming my swelling foot in a shoe may have made me candidate for either a brave new tv sitcom or a new resident at the Sunny Brook Mental Institute. Take your pick.

I cowboyed up with the pain (not broke back mountain fashion neither) and sat for about 45 minutes in the doctor's interrogation room. Once escaping the office I hobbled to the car and unleashed my foot from its girdle. My poor foot could breath but was plenty pithed off.

--- More later --

Just keep them prayers coming. Between the foot and now wondering if I have hepatitis is kinda got me concerned. Kinda. Odds are as much as I've been to doctors and horspitals I got it one of those places IF in fact I do have it. **wonders how fast I could clear a room with this one**

PS - yeah and the lab didnt send in the results on the ultrasound for detecting bloodclots. Next week, maybe. Im beginning to feel like a member of the M*A*S*H 4077th where everything goes wrong that can go wrong.

Posted at 03:48 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(10) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Anyone for Liver?

Gotta go back to the Old Doctor to find out the results of the test says I got liver problemos or not. That and something else but I don't remember. Was awake all nite with pain. By Sunday afternoon my foot started swelling but this morning looks fine. Go figure. Not really sure where to go from here. I mean - do I go to Dermatologist or a Podiatrist or Dr. Scholls?

For today.., the plan is to go and find out the lab results with old doctor - then never return. Thats the plan at least. I'm betting its okay - else-wise I'd be green or yellow or something eh? Like Jaundice or something eh? I'm not yellow despite the rumors. My humor for the moment has just been drained. I need a humor recharge. I think I developed a leak or something. Do they have humor leak patches?

Posted at 07:23 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(1) Pleading Hostage --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Saturday, January 28, 2006

The Forrest Gump Frame of Mind

I sat here thankin of somethin' to write about. And I thought and thought somemore and before I knowed what happend, I had actually thought for quite a long time. Like my Grandma used to say, "Son, aint no use in thankin' too hard about thangs. You'll just end up with a headache."

Know whut? She was riight. My head is achin like somebody stomped on it with a big truck. But anyway I'd like to write somethin' while I'm not thankin for right now.

I remember the times I didnt get to meet President Clinton or President Bush. I remember that quite well. Includin' the time I never got to shake Jim Varney's hand. Seen him but didnt say nothin'. Of course he was alive back then and was filmin a movie called, "Daddy and Them" at the time. I coulda, but didnt. I expect a man famous in a small country city deserved his coffee drankin' in peace. So I left him to his self.

Of course I never did see that movie - cause it was a flop the way I hear it. But blame that on, Billy Bob Thornton (a fellow Arkansan) for that one. Thats kinda sad, cause it was ol' Jim Varney's last movie and his only real serious role that I can thank of. But for your records - that movie was filmed in Cabot, Arkansas and I was there.

I nearly got my VHS Video camera taken from me as I strolled bravely around the actors trailers and got a picture of the house, camera booms and all that. Fortunately the security guard what nailed me had mercy only because I didnt get the actors on video yet.

Well. Thats all I gotta say. Well, actually I gotta say one more thang. My first and only true love was from Cabot Arkansas. Never more, Lenore. Like Momma used to say, "Girls is like a box of chocolates; Sometimes you go through a few nuts before you hit carmel." Well - my first true love was the carmel - and I was the nut in this case for lettin' her get away. Dang ropes wudnt tight enuff I espect.

** starts playing with stun-gun again**

!!!BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!

** dave lays barely conscious - twitching**

Posted at 10:39 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(5) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-