Davemania

Saturday, December 17, 2005

I'm the Rocket Man, wooo-ooo-ooo

Back in the day I would design and fly rockets - a little bit. A hobby ya know. Mostly I just drew up designs. One design I never made but sent to my brother in Texus fer him to build - he built it, but the head engineer declared it aerodynamically unsound.., "this beast will NEVER fly". Guess what. It flew. He judged it on looks. It was big and it was ugly as soured pea soup. It took a big engine to fire it. If memory serves - I think I named that rocket design; "the beast".

The moral of thith thtory ith..., "Just because someone has a degree doesn't mean he knows everything." Is there such a thing as an educated retard? AHEM - anyways - don't get me wrong. I'm not a genius. Nope. Like Einstein, I made really - extremely - bad grades in school. And like Einstein, I didn't learn to tie my shoes till I was about 12.. although I forget what age he was when he mastered that skill, he was a late bloomer.

My brain just doesn't work like everyone elses. But you kinda guessed that by now, didn't you. C'mon. Admit it.., you'll feel better about yourselves.., but before you do, be advised I am taking down names. I'm not sure what I'll do with them - but the threat seemed to have some fear factor behind it in school. At one time anyway.

Now you went and done it! You made me do too much thinking and now my head hurts. And its ALL your fault. I hope you're happy. So stop smiling about it already. Jeesh - use a little tact there... **humph!**

NOTE: The kind of rockets discussed are more like this (click -&- click) and not like this (click) that run on rocket motors/engines like this (click & click). Just so you don't draw the wrong contusion. Sorry but, what photos of my own designs I had, have long disappeared - no thanks to Cujo.

Posted at 10:02 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
Uplink Your Brain Here -Alternate Reality Speak-

Diary of a Madman - 2

Excerpts from my new book

coming to a Book Store Nearest You in the Rejects Isle...

I once tried pressing flowers. It added nothing to my biceps or triceps and besides that, I have come to the conclusion that flower pressing is not a valid gym activity.

I once went fly-fishing and was sadly disappointed. All I caught was fish. That was two hours down the drain. Besides; what am I gunna do with a mess of flies? Well - there is that fly resurrection trick but it seems there's no paying audience for it so, David Copperfield's job is safe.

My dawg had ticks once. Poor dawg would walk around with his head and legs flenching.., and bark out sudden utterly profane words. Turrets in dawgs - stop the insanity.

I once ate a roach. It was not by choice but as a matter of fate. Sipping tea at a friend's house - while unbeknownst to me - a roach was crawling across the ceiling, saw my pool of cool fluids and did a triple jack-knife dive into the drink. Without looking at the glass, I turned it up - felt something in my mouth just before my teeth CRUNCHED down on what I had hoped was a piece of wet bread.... wet bread don't crunch I no longer visit that friend. I still wash my mouth out with Lysol when I think about that moment.

Posted at 09:21 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(5) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Friday, December 16, 2005

Christmas Songers

Some of my most favorite Top Seven Classic Christmas songers (singers) of all time are ... **drum-roll please**.....

Nat Cole
Hoyt Axton
Burl Ives
Dean Martin
Bing Crosby (Only his x-mas songs. Nothing else)
Jose Feliciano
John Denver (yeah - his x-mas songs are smooth & awesome)

The above named are linked for those who draw a blank on these celebs

I hate the newer stuff (with some exceptions) and just wont listen to it unless I'm in a place of business or someone elses house whereby I have no choice. Have you heard some of the modern country singers destroy the old classics? Or modern rock performers or - well - lets not even talk Rap which is crap.

So whats in your wallet? - errr - I mean, what's your favorite top seven CLASSIC, Christmas Singers list? Consider yourself tagged.. on a voluntary basis only.

FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT: Goto Jib-Jab and click on the newest animation/video "Year End Round Up" - its funny and worth the long download wait if you're a dial-upper like me.

Posted at 09:09 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(8) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Fire In The Hole!

TheOneAndOnlyDave (aka Toaod) made a recent post on fireworks which jogged loose a memory fragment buried in the crusts of accumulated cerebellumic time.., eh..., whatever that means. In other words, I remembered something. Better?

Fireworks are as much fun as they are a danger to youth. And in my youth (as if I'm a thousand years old or something) I've pulled some stinker stunts as did my friends. The neighborhood kids would break out the bottle rockets and we would have wars. Fortunately nobody ever really got hurt - except due to the occasional fast fused firecracker that blistered and numbed thumbs + fore fingers.

Now for the story I promised Toaoder. I had been shooting off Bottle Rockets in the front yard in the broad daylight, aiming them across the street at an empty lot. Every once in a while one would zip from the bottle in a wild unpredictable arc..., sometimes low, sometimes too high, or extremely left then spiraling to the right.

I lit one rocket and just as I stood back, a police cruiser suddenly came blasting down our street, only then kicking on his siren! The fuse was lit - I eyed the cop car, then the rocket - the rocket - the cop car - the rocker... the look on the face of the cop as the bottle rocket went straight for his OPEN car door window - and exploded about 1 foott from the man's face.

My life flashed by me in several prison scenarios, me being the star player. The flushing of my face, the guts wrenching in my stomach - I knew I was dead meat. The cop and his partner screamed something out the window - faces red with fury - and kept going. I guess the call they were on must have been really big time serious. Non the less I packed up my fireworks and ran in the house hoping and praying the police didn't come back for me.

To this day my parents never knew a thing about that mishap - and no - the police never came back for me. Lesson was learned and I never was quite that reckless again... well ... sort of.

There was another fireworks incident - but I reeeeeaaaalllly don't wanna go there. And you thought it couldn't get much worse huh. Maybe I'll save that one for around the 4th of July. Anywho - that's all I got for ya right now.

Posted at 10:50 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(4) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

A Letter from The Ledge

"...., I consider you a friend as well as my Dad. That's cool right? I wish more kids had a Dad like you. You're pretty cool and you really do have a good sense of balance between when to FATHER and when to be cool about things, you know what I mean? ...." etc.., etc - Love, Daughter

Such was the letter I just received by snail mail from my daughter as she informed me how well my Grandson, HBK (Heart Break Kid), is doing and life in general. I guess all those, Father Knows Best and Leave It To Beaver's June and Ward Cleaver, episodes paid off. That and the thumbscrews, trepanning tool, and the sheer genius use of an ol' fashioned keel hauling. MAN! Am I a fun Dad or what! Oh PLEEEASE Let me baby sit your kids!!

AHEM - actually - I'm done raising kids. Well, actually I only raised one kid but of all my kids, daughter is my favorite. When I use that line on daughter she says, "Dad! I'm your only daughter" - to which I resist the urge to say, "that you know of..." following up with a sadistic "Muahahaaaa!"

But I degrease. As I read Daughter's letter, a sense of completeness washed across my soul. An aire of closure to my always wondering if she held resentment for the times I had to be tough on her. Okay - I did demand respect and did not tolerate any child of mine doing otherwise. But that's not the same as commanding respect - or rather, earning, respect. Kapeesh?

When she was a small fry (as pictured) I'd often swallowed my pride and played dolls with her, and let her "fix" up my hair - YOU DID NOT HEAR THAT! - and while in the confines of the home away from public view, I often had hair doo-dads (barrettes, hair bands, etc) all matted in my hair far too often - thanks to my humoring the daughter and her newly found hair dressing skills. Yes - I humored my daughter and encouraged her the best I could. She once wanted me to wear this hair getup to the store - to which my humoring did find a stopping place... no way no how was that a happening deal.

Okay - I guess thats enough of the trip down memory lane. My eyes are starting to leak, especially thinking about the letter she just sent me. So until next time, I bid you a fondue... errr... a fond Adeu.

PS - word has it, daughter and son-in-law are planning a second baby.

Posted at 09:48 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(8) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-