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Thursday, January 26, 2006
I'm going back to the new doctor in the morning (friday) afore cause of me ____. When I sleep or take a nap my ____ experiences a really killer amount of spasm oriented pain. After such an episode a vein what is situated on top of my foot just were my big toe meets the ____ all the way across the ____ up to my ankle rises like a big blue snake. It flattens out after a little while though.
I'm not sure what that means but I guess its better to check it out. I mean, my _____ is an important walking tool. I gotta admit not being able to walk on my ____ without the use of crutches is wearing thin on me noives. I can walk mind you - but if I'm not using my crutches and walk on my _____ , the _____ starts swelling lawts and lawts.
HA! Once again.., I knew you was waiting for me to mess up and actually say the word, foot. But I made it through without mentioning, foot, not once. No, not even once did I mention, foot. Sorry to disappoint you all - but when I determined I wasn't going to mention my foot, I meant it! So in your face! in your face! Muahahahahahaaa!
Posted at 05:21 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Imaginary Friends and Lovers
Ever hear that song about the " Imaginary Lover"? Well - my imaginary friend went away and now I got an Imaginary Girlfriend!!! And let me tell you - she's lewkeeng geud! She's real pretty (assuming you could see her) and she talks a lot like Charo, the Spanish guitarist/singer/actress/comedian. My Imaginary Girlfriend's name is, Lucinda Juanita Juandice Delecroix Jemenez Dominique and here is the imaginary email she sent me this morning....,
Dear Customer
We were hoping to avoid taking such drastic action but your failure to pay your agreed monthly.....
WHOA! Wrong Email. Hold on a second....... ****sifts through email**** ....., okay, here it is. Here's the lovely romantic email I got from my Imaginary girl friend, Lucinda Juanita Juandice Delecroix Jemenez Dominique ...
Dearest Daveman...,
Ju make me to have my hart swell to big paddy-booms. My leeps wan to tuch jur leeps because, jur leeps is so fat like sessy sponges of luf. Pleese - pleese make the sessy keessy face for me jus wan more time, my sessy Daveman?
Ju ha make me so very happy my heeps wiggle and jiggle and R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r Coochie- Coochie, yeehaa! See what ju do to me my Capi-tan Daveman? Make with the keessy face to me now! I wait for ju my luf!!! An when ju come, bring a ring or ju are a dead man.
Sincerely, Jur Imaginary Girl Friend..,
Lucinda Juanita Juandice Delecroix Jemenez Dominique
You know what? I'm beginning not to like this imaginary girlfriend, already. Have you priced imaginary rings, let alone ever seen one? Besides - my lips ain't fat! What noive! and that trilling coochie-coohie was annoying enough when Charo did it. Suppose Lucinda stood up in a restaurant and did that? I'd be so embarrassed.
FOOT REPORT: Except for a smooth surfaced slight puffiness - the foot looks good. Oh and there is still a red patch on my foot. Not really as much red as it is pinkish/tan type of appearance. And certain ways I move my foot as I try to exercise it causes some pain similar to a slightly sprained ankle and across the top tendons. I may reschedule an appointment to see Dr. Krishna to see if the skin infection is purely a secondary condition. I really cant see how a skin infection can cause pain "in" the ankle and tendons.
Posted at 07:34 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Guess What! Go Ahead, Guess!
Thinking - thinking - thinking - thinking - Thinking - thinking - thinking - thinking - Thinking - thinking - thinking - thinking - Thinking - thinking - thinking - thinking - Thinking - thinking - thinking - thinking - Thinking - thinking - thinking - thinking - Thinking - thinking - thinking - thinking.
.... and I got nuthin ....
Brain hurt, knuckles dragging. Overhanging brows drip with swear. There's nothing worse, except maybe a messed up _____. You see that? I went out of my way not to mention my foot! And I did that just for you the reader. I bet you are so very proud of me. I know I am. Herb - stop that snickering. Thats Scott's job. Your job is to try and look schoolury.. errr.., scholarly or sumpin' prestigite like that.
I'll think some more and get back to you on whatever results from all that thinking. Surely there's something swimming around in this cranial mass worth blogging about. Somewhere.
Posted at 03:59 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
Monday, January 23, 2006
People look at me weelly strange lately. I am nawt an aminal, I'm a mayun! A hooman beyun! Shoot my guts out do I not die? Stab me enough do I not leak blood like a stuck hawg? Beat me till I'm black and blue do I not haul your glutious maximus to court and sue the pea soup out of you? I am nawt an aminal! Animals cant sue, hello!
I walk funny thats true. Listen, I got problems. But the doc says I'm much better now. NO! Not THOSE kinds of problems.., geesh! Ya macaroons! I got a messed up foot. Get a clue. I was amazed to see a reasonable facsimile of a foot this morning though still puffy somewhat. Rather than jinx myself my saying its almost well - I wont say that. I'll just leave it at a vague implication hoping my foot is too stupid to catch on.
I have a two day restraining order put on me to stay 5 feet away from AbbyNormal's blog residence when she and the Blog Police found out I was the ringleader in the party at her blog while she was away and Herb ratted out my Identity as, "Da Boss, Daveman Guido", head of the organization otherwise known as, "Thugs-R-Us". By the way, Herb. Your membership is under review. Scott - did we get that fresh shipment of cement shoes in yet? AHEM! Anyways...the rumors of KevenTheOneArmedBoy's disappearance are false. I had nothing to do wit his vanishing act. Besides, hes a very good swimmer I hear. I'm sure his body - erm - he will emerge somewhere. Kev, get the Blog Fuzz off my back and post sumpin already and clear my bad name.
My last word for today?? Ssprite. All is forgiven. I do not hold you responsible for joining Herb in ratting me out. In fact you should be getting a package today sometime by the parcel service. Our Black Unmarked Vans.., I mean.., the new UPs trucks are fairly well timely. FTS - will attest to that. ***wonders if the boys let fts go yet**
- Oh well. Later yous guys and gals! And uh.., I'll be watching you..
PS.., Penny.., that gnome in your yard... silence is golden.. aint it funny how gnomes tend to trip, fall and break sumpin?
Posted at 01:55 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Blog Police Report: AbbyNormal Blog Disturbance -also- Scott's Lawyer Kidnapped
January 22, 2006
Around 2:15 am police were called to the Blog Residence of Abby Normal in the Blog Drive district due to loud noises and crashing sounds. Complaints were phoned in by several unidentified neighbors.
The arriving Blog Police unit was met by one witness known as, Daveman, and upstanding citizen in the Blog Drive district. When our presence was noted by those trespassing in AbbyNormal's blog residence, an un determined number of thugs leaped out of windows, doors and even basement openings and escaped arrest.
According to Daveman's report the ruckus started two days ago when AbbyNormal went to take care of her sick mother who works with orphans and serves as resident angel. Daveman tried to guard the house for Abby but was over-powered by common thugs who's names are, Herb, Scott, Magoo and Jerry -all of whom belong to a secret evil organization known as, Thugs-R-Us.
Daveman further stated these assailants were soon joined by other revelers known possibly as, Ssprite, Rob, Penny, Judy, FTS, g, Sharkbait, Celandine, Mrs Diamond. These vile wicked, evil, sinister and otherwise, mean people, according to Daveman, took advantage of his good sweet trusting innocent naive nature and continued to party and trash AbbyNormal's blog residence.
Visual inspection of said residence was shocking according to officers. Pizza stuck on ceilings, coffee and food stains on walls and furniture. The refrigerator looked like it had been assaulted by the A-Team on LSD. The bathroom had cookie crumbs and unidentifiable substances in the shower/bathtub. No bodies were found, but there were two dogs and a cat holed up in the doghouse - all of which were painted green with orange spots, otherwise seemed to be in good health though scared spitless.
Daveman was questioned at length and when asked about his credentials stated he distributed food for the needy orphans, helped old ladies across the street and often entertained the sick and needy at hospitals and homeless shelters. He even placed his hand on the Bible to this effect. Although officers were suspicious when the book turned out to be the Guns & Ammo Bible of Hunters Etiquette. Investigation is ongoing.
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Officers responded to a call a few hours later at another Blog Drive district residence Lawyer's office. It appears that a Lawyer of one Scott was kidnapped and a drawer marked evidence had been forced open and emptied of its contents. The only thing left behind, perhaps an oversight was three photos of a fleet of black vans and mysterious men dressed in black hauling an unidentified male away. This investigation is ongoing.
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=== this entry is pure parody/satire with good humored stabs at really great folks - so if there's anyone lame enough to actually believe this jive, seek professional help immediately ====
Posted at 09:17 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
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