Davemania

Saturday, January 21, 2006

PART DUEX: "Another Broken Heart on Campus"

The following is the second part of,
"No Good Deed Ever Goes Unpunished"

Ted and Alice (names replaced to protect the guilty) seemed like a great couple. I mean, they were made for each other! They were both dumpy, both wore coke-bottle lens glasses, he played an excellent guitar and she sang like an angel, they had pretty much everything in common. A very cute couple to say the least.

I would pal with Ted and Alice and join their campy sing-a-longs from time to time.., of course Ted liked to play a little Nugent on his cheap acoustic guitar just to break the, Kum-Ba-Ya / John Denver, rut on occasion. I'd sing along, crack my jokes and engage in a witty exchange of conversations with myself; i.e., impressions of John Wayne, talking to Paul Lindsey, talking to Gomer Pyle.., and so on.

Then one day I did this "invisible friend" gag, whereby I sit right from you - no one else near, place a finger from both hands on each closed eye. I call on my invisible friend to make his presence known and the invisible friend would supposedly pat the subject on the back of the head. Alice was impressed. Too impressed.

The next morning I headed across campus for the kitchen! I was ready for a hearty breakfast and get on with the classes. Alice was waiting for me in the cafeteria, approached, looked up into my eyes and said, "Dave. What are we going to tell Ted?"

I get a blank. "Tell Ted?" I quizzed. I had no idea what Alice was talking about. Alice cleared her voice then began, "About us. What do we say to Ted?"

What was it about this place? Did the art of higher learning just get a major dose of stupid? First Candy and her wrong idea, then Alice. I began questioning myself. Was I doing something that seemed to be a romantic gesture to Candy and then Alice and be oblivious to it?

I asked her again just to clarify what was going on; "What!? What are you talking about, Alice?". She reminded me about my invisible man trick and swore we made "knowing eye contact" whatever that was supposed to mean. She went on to explain she would most likely tell Ted about us herself.

Just great! A really great guy like Ted was going to be crushed over Alice's twisted idea. Naturally I explained (once again) there was NO US, and this whole thing was wrecking the friendship between all three of us. I apologized if there was something I did that gave her the wrong idea.

This long story made short; Alice became irate with me for "being a slime"? Went and told Ted I lead her on and cheated with her. I never touched the girl not even in a kiss. Anyways - Ted hated my guts, Alice went spreading tales while I stood with somebody else's egg on my face.

Anywho - I learned a valuable lesson from those days. Some women really are nuts. I mean, that sort of thing just never happened all the time - but those two times really left me with sense of constant worrying about sending the wrong message. I mean.. am I the one thats nuts and these girls were simply a victim of my Donny Juan charms? Nah. I have all the charm of a drunken gorilla in a fine china shop. (yeah Its supposed to be bull - but this is my blog so back off).

Posted at 09:13 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(6) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Friday, January 20, 2006

Special News Bulletin

Part II to my last post is interrupted as I bring you the following report(s)...,

Neighbor approaches house in the dark as I sit on the porch conversing with my ailing foot. A sudden strange animal like squelch comes from the edge of black enshrouded woods. Intelligent soul that I am I reasoned (after strong analytical approach) that this was a Space Monkey. As we super intellects know, Space Monkeys are rife this time of year in these parts.

I went to the new Doctor who's first or last name is .., are you ready for this? "Krishna". In backwater Arkansas! So whats in a name. The thing is the man. Anywho the new second opinion doctor disagrees with my regular (soon to be former) doctor. Former doctor says it's Phlebitis. New Doctor says he believes it is a bad skin infection and uses a word that I cant spell but sounds like [Seh-bite-iss]. I tried looking up this word under several different spellings and didn't find anything close to my problem.

Anyway he placed me on an antibiotic, Cypro (forgot spelling), changing my last antibiotic. He says the the foot swelling, fever in it and red-jelly like appearance on top of the foot should go away within a week (7-days). I started to take a pic of it and post it here BUT last time I posted my inflamed galded looking area on my belly, people passed out, the national guard was called in, the CDC closed down entire countries - so - thought I'd spare you my feet which made that one look like a mere jello stain.

So if you're as sick of hearing me belly ache about my foot as I am, I'm willing to bet even an Atheist will resort to prayer for me just to shut me up. So prayers are always welcome, from anyone.., oh and beware of the Space Monkeys, okay?

Part Two to last Entry coming up so DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL and Stay Tuned In!

Posted at 07:04 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(4) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

No Good Deed Ever Goes Unpunished

There was no reason for the taunting. Her name was Candy. She sat on a bench minding her own business. A woman perhaps five foot four inches tall, morbidly obese and just 20 years old. Three people, two twenty year old men and a woman went out of their way to taunt her. "Pig!" - "Hey beached whale!" - "You're going to bust that bench - get off it you cow!"

Sir Daveman, idiot extraordinary, ran to the crying woman's rescue, and chased off the hooligans. I tried to cheer her up with some of my best humor - and it worked. Reinforced her self esteem and had to go to classes, bidding her well wishes as I went. Never at any point did I do anything to make her think this was a romantic spur of the moment rendezvous. I was careful of that.

Later that day on Campus I saw a girl I had my eye on for a whole week! She was every thing I could hope for - or so I hoped. I filled my lungs with air, braced up, put on my best personality (the only one I had) and made my way over. I had her laughing and smiling and her eyes just beamed like crystallite in the sun.

All of the sudden - this Daveman's moment in the sun was dashed in a billion chards as Candy came barreling out of now where (how she could run like that a mystery) and smashed the poor object of my affections into the ground. "STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN YOU BLEEPIN HO!" She screamed like a banshee (actual wording cleaned up quite a bit for the readership).

"Whoa! Candy! I'm not you're man, there never was an, Us!..." my voice trailed as a crowd gathered and dirty looks came ripping through from most of them while others snickered. I could read their minds as Candy stood there crying, looking at me as if we had been long time lovers and I was a lousy scum boyfriend. The object of my affection shot her dirty looks but gave me even dirtier looks. I was suddenly the evil bad boy on campus to be shunned. A user loser.

No amount of explaining would be heard nor accepted from the object of my effection, nor the crowd. So I shifted my focus to Candy and explained that the day I saw her, I was being a friend to her that day I ran those oafs off. I explained how no human being should have been treated like she was treated and my intervention was not a romantic overture of any sort. And of course I thanked her for ruining my life in return and walked off being shunned by virtually everyone. Truly this one good deed of mine returned a curse and not a blessing.

PART TWO - Later - "Another Broken Heart on Campus"

It never seemed to stop. I mean, really!

PS - will report on the doctor visit this afternoon unless they throw me in the hospital or something.

Posted at 08:26 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(3) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I'm an Unfaithful Cheat - Woe Is Me!

Man I feel guilty. Sure my doctor's a quack and I have low confidence in him. But ya see - I went and scheduled an appointment with another doctor for a second look/opinion on my ailing foot for tomorrow. I feel like a tramp cheating bimbo somehow. Of course we are not talking about gay issues or hetero issues - but it still feels like a matter of cheating somehow. I guess thats still an issue even if it is of a oddball sort.

My usual quack is a nice man and his staff are good down to earthy folks.., almost like relatives. But then I recall when I had my knee problems neither he or his doctor/nurse lady assistant had any real concern and well, thats a long story I don't care to rehash. Somehow even though he is doing more for my foot than he did with my knee, I just ain't sold he knows what he's doing. So I will consult the new doctor tomorrow unt see what he has to say. If he's worse - I'll give up.

And now I see our own Dear Abby has gone away on a mission of mercy and I didn't get a chance to say Goodbye. Oh well. Her cause is a just one, to help her recuperating mother. She needs her more than we do I suppose, and I would have thought less of her had she of snubbed her own maw. (code of the hills says ya don't snub yer maw, unlessin she slept with Clinton)

Anyways I just hope Abby ain't too disappointed when she sees we all (her regular readership) fell apart during her absence and messed up her place while away. Some folks says we are all disfunctional.., but I promise I seen Pops, Herb, Scott, Jerry, Ssprite, Penny and Magoo and others function just fine when throwin' stuff and splatterin' refrigerated goods. I'm still trying to find a Hazard Cleanup crew that will tackle the mess they left when I was absent - not even one whole day!

But hey, they all have enduring qualities. And when I figure out what they are, I'll let you, the reader know. Unless it makes good blackmail material that is. Then I'll milk those cows for all they're worth. Hey - 25 cents goes nowhere I know, but we're talking a total of $2! I can buy a couple of McDonalds Cheeseburgers, man and have change!!!

Will tell yous mugs tomorrow (on Friday) what the new Doctor says if anything different from what old doctor says. Thats all I gotsa say for now. Hasta Lavista

Posted at 04:57 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(3) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Nothing Obvious - Knock Wood

Today-ay-ay-ay (echo-echo) I went back to el-quacks and had the Doppler (a glorified ultra sound) run on my foot and leg. The visual inspection part of it yielded no obvious signs of blood clots. However I'm reminded it still has to be looked at in the lab or whatever. I wonder of Igor works there?

And of course they took some more blood to see if my liver has any abnormalities as per last time - blah blah blah - just to be on the safe side. I go back the 30th to see what the results are and all that jazz and hope my foot will be back to normal by then.

Presently the swelling goes down to near normal over the course of the night and swells up some during the course of the day and looks to be an every day occurrence for the last three days. A few minutes ago I for whatever reason darn near passed out. My head went wagga- my guts felt queasy and my good leg was buckling while on my crutches. Luckily the kitchen table chair was handy and I made a mad desperate grab for it.

I'm still feeling queasy and light headed as I write - so I'll go and take a nap and see what that does for it. If I don't wake up - Its been real people. I think I'm kidding about not waking up - even so, ya never know when your number is up. Anyone of us could check out at any time for any number of known and unknown reasons. So let me say - especially of the regulars and semi-regulars.., you peeps are kind of like family and I've always enjoyed the few and or many exchanges we've had over time. It truly has been a delight spending virtual time with you all.

Nighters!

Posted at 01:50 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(8) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-