Davemania

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I Got Nothing

Sorry - no blogging for now. Why? I have nothing to say. If I did, I would say it. But I don't. So I wont blog on anything I don't have to blog about. It's useless. An empty vacuum of thought is not very rewarding so forgive this blank/absent entry. Anyway I got a head ache so I'll do as the instructions on the Aspirin bottle suggest; "Take One" and "Keep Away From Children".

Posted at 04:46 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(7) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Monday, December 19, 2005

Make Someone Nuts, Today

I'd like to share with you one of my many ways of making people a little nuts. Actually they'll either take it badly or as intended depending on the disposition of the person of whom you are talking to. Back in my carpentering days....,

ME: "Can I ask you a question?"

BOSS: "Sure."

---- Long Pause ----

BOSS: "Well?"

ME: "Well, what?"

BOSS: "You said you had a question."

ME: "No, I didn't."

BOSS: (shooting looks at me) "Yes you did. You stood right there and said you had a question."

ME: "Nope. Must of been someone else."

BOSS: "There are only two people in this room. You said you had a question."

ME: "OH! No, I didn't say I had a question. I simply wanted to know if I could ask you a question. I just don't have one to ask yet. I was just asking. Ya know."

BOSS: "Whatever I'm paying you is too much. Get back to work. No more questions."

Posted at 02:14 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(8) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Okay - That Tears It!

Until now I haven't been a Bush fan. Now.., he did little to improve that situation as he commited unpardonable sin of interrupting, National Lampoon's, Christmas Vacation! I mean, the gall! the audacity! what candor! the..., the.., the..., whatever else wordage that expresses my disdain and unsettledness. The only thing worse would be for ANY president to interrupt, "It's a Wonderful Life"

True, National Lampoon's, Christmas Vacation, is the anti-ness of "It's a Wonderful Life" but it also reflects the reality of todays and yesterdays relatives during the holidays and the ..... the .... the ..., whole National Lampoon's, Christmas Vacation, reflects fond and not so fond memories of my own kin folk from over the years - especially our Christmas Vacation with cousins and aunts in Missouri when I was a tyke. I think it really was Cousin Eddy's house!!!! My cousins were freaks of untold caliber, my Uncle and Aunt - well - lets not go there.

Would it really be worse to be the Griswolds? Nah. Actually our family used to be like a mix of Griswolds, The Bunkers and a paralleled version of the Cleavers all minced, diced and shaken together to form something Dr. Frankenstein would have been proud of. Well.., maybe not quite that bad.

On hind sight.., maybe he did me a favor. Who needs to reflect on a Christmas with Cousin Eddy? <<groan>> Me, I guess. WAIT! As I typed out this rant - Bush just signed off and they started, National Lampoon's, Christmas Vacation, from the start! So - Never mind. I take back everything I said except I'm still not a fan of Bush - but as I've always said, between Kerry and Bush - bush was/is the lessor of two evils - so if you think Bush is bad (and he is) thank God Kerry isn't in control. [Sorry - no time for debates, take it elsewhere]

Posted at 08:26 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(6) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Saturday, December 17, 2005

I'm the Rocket Man, wooo-ooo-ooo

Back in the day I would design and fly rockets - a little bit. A hobby ya know. Mostly I just drew up designs. One design I never made but sent to my brother in Texus fer him to build - he built it, but the head engineer declared it aerodynamically unsound.., "this beast will NEVER fly". Guess what. It flew. He judged it on looks. It was big and it was ugly as soured pea soup. It took a big engine to fire it. If memory serves - I think I named that rocket design; "the beast".

The moral of thith thtory ith..., "Just because someone has a degree doesn't mean he knows everything." Is there such a thing as an educated retard? AHEM - anyways - don't get me wrong. I'm not a genius. Nope. Like Einstein, I made really - extremely - bad grades in school. And like Einstein, I didn't learn to tie my shoes till I was about 12.. although I forget what age he was when he mastered that skill, he was a late bloomer.

My brain just doesn't work like everyone elses. But you kinda guessed that by now, didn't you. C'mon. Admit it.., you'll feel better about yourselves.., but before you do, be advised I am taking down names. I'm not sure what I'll do with them - but the threat seemed to have some fear factor behind it in school. At one time anyway.

Now you went and done it! You made me do too much thinking and now my head hurts. And its ALL your fault. I hope you're happy. So stop smiling about it already. Jeesh - use a little tact there... **humph!**

NOTE: The kind of rockets discussed are more like this (click -&- click) and not like this (click) that run on rocket motors/engines like this (click & click). Just so you don't draw the wrong contusion. Sorry but, what photos of my own designs I had, have long disappeared - no thanks to Cujo.

Posted at 10:02 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
Uplink Your Brain Here -Alternate Reality Speak-

Diary of a Madman - 2

Excerpts from my new book

coming to a Book Store Nearest You in the Rejects Isle...

I once tried pressing flowers. It added nothing to my biceps or triceps and besides that, I have come to the conclusion that flower pressing is not a valid gym activity.

I once went fly-fishing and was sadly disappointed. All I caught was fish. That was two hours down the drain. Besides; what am I gunna do with a mess of flies? Well - there is that fly resurrection trick but it seems there's no paying audience for it so, David Copperfield's job is safe.

My dawg had ticks once. Poor dawg would walk around with his head and legs flenching.., and bark out sudden utterly profane words. Turrets in dawgs - stop the insanity.

I once ate a roach. It was not by choice but as a matter of fate. Sipping tea at a friend's house - while unbeknownst to me - a roach was crawling across the ceiling, saw my pool of cool fluids and did a triple jack-knife dive into the drink. Without looking at the glass, I turned it up - felt something in my mouth just before my teeth CRUNCHED down on what I had hoped was a piece of wet bread.... wet bread don't crunch I no longer visit that friend. I still wash my mouth out with Lysol when I think about that moment.

Posted at 09:21 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(5) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-