Davemania

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Bubba Goes Grocery Shoppin'

A man visits his daughter. During this visit, suddenly the sound of broken glass erupts from daughters bedroom, along with thunderous clashings. Daughter and father stunned. The man gets up from his seat and investigates, opens and closes door behind him.

A few seconds pass of more violent noises, the door opens, man emerges disheveled, tells daughter to call the cops then disappears behind the door again. More hell breaks loose for 40 agonizing minutes. Just before police arrives he emerges from the a blood strewn room, a little dazed, blood stains on his shirt with a slight smile pronounced upon his victorious face.

Inside the bedroom lay the body of a deer with a broken neck. The man thumbs toward the carcass in her bedroom..,"I don't know why you women fuss so much. Grocery shoppin' ain't so hard. Lets eat"

Editors Note: This is not a joke but a real incident that took place in my home state, Arkansas. Which at this point I want to remind people - this man EARNED his right to respect, do don't mess wit him. - news story click here - only the man's final comments were adlibbed for effect, so get off my back. Maybe we should send him over to stop the MidEast Terrorists all by himself, just him, them and somebody to bury the bodies.

Posted at 10:06 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(12) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

When You Are Sick, Remember This

Its that time of year again, yep. "Tis the season to be sneezin'," and you just got to take care of yourself. Get plenty of bed rest. Thats important that you follow my advice or those cold and flu demons will stay with you longer than you would like. The sore throats are absolutely the worst.

Next be sure to take your medicine and drink lots and lots of fluid to keep your body from dehydrating. Do this and you should be okay in a couple of weeks. Ignore my advice and you'll feel so bad you couldn't stand to look at yourself in the mirror for quite a while, and could end up in the hospital with Walking pneumonia.

- Dr. Daveman

Posted at 08:48 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(7) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Night of the Iguana Piranha

When daughter was around 8 years of age, I purchased for her one beautiful Beta.., a black beauty with a blue stripe. She named him(?) Cuddles. Cuddles was her very sweet and cuddly enduring friend. To everything else that moved it was a creature from hell's depths and he sat in his rather large Gold Fish Bowl in the living room, where I could insure that she fed the creature.

One morning I happened to turn my head and catch the yellow Tom Cat perched with paws on either side of the rim of the bowl, licking his chops. The cat figured it was a Long John Silver's buffet - poor thing. Before he knew what had happened, Tom Kitty leaped up into the air and ran for his life! Cuddles had launched himself like a Pershing missile and darted the cat right in the nose. Tom Kitty never came around that bowl again, despite the prayers of Cuddles that he would.

Then there was the day daughter and I watched Cuddles swimming, quite content and calm. We discussed why we could Not put other fish in the tank with Cuddles, and as if to punctuate the point, a fly lit on the rim of Cuddle's domain. Launching up out of the water and back again, the poor fly was subtly removed from existence with a waterly "bloop!".

Alas, poor Cuddles, we knew him well. He was the fish straight from hell. But he lived his life in fear of nothing, and in that I am sure he died quite content. Rest his little fishy soul in peace. He lived for about a year and died. We gave him a fitting funeral. "Dig a hole, daughter, and make it deep! We don't want him coming back!!"

EDITORS NOTE: No human beings were harmed during the events as described. However, two cats, a goat and several chickens are unaccounted for. **shrugs**

Posted at 11:25 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(6) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Sunday, October 30, 2005

My Grandson - the Little Ninja!

My daughter took these pics of the LITTLE NINJA today and sent them to me ... LoL...., and he's buzzing the house now that he's found his legs mucho better.., pushing kitchen chairs and pushing his luck. I fuzzed the background on one pic, and totally replaced the background on his Little Ninja shot.
I suspect his daddy (being a blackbelt in karate) tried to pose the little guy in his Ninja outfit, with his left arm down, and right arm crooked for a swift punch.

Posted at 10:29 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(8) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Crazy World We Live In

Whats with people these days? Have you ever checked the discussions area under the news stories on Yahoo!? No matter what the news story - you get hordes of people babbling insanities, sometimes on topic - mostly NOT! A story about the Wizard of Oz for example - the discussion board will turn it into a racial or religious argument.

Anyone who posts something on topic, is met with idiocy of unheard of dimensions. Some "wanna-be" Christian or Muslim or Neo Nazi wants to kill you or somebody else. Explicit cheap tawdry remarks are always present - AND YET - Yahoo has this useless Notice that you cant say anything threatening, and you cant do this and you cant do that..Or Else!. and this stuff goes on unmonitored. I mean - the story about Iran threatening the Jews? You should have read the message board!! Everyone was threatening anyone down to their grandmother's cat. I guess Yahoo's "or else" warning is "or else.., we do nothing to you! Take that you bad boy you!"

I'm just glad to be back here where I can feel like a part of normalcy again. So I kick up my bare stinky feet, put on my Overload Helmet, call the royal Kissup to find out whats on the agenda for today. He tells me one of my loyal subjects was on Yahoo bantering with morons again. SO - an Overload's job is a curse really - I called this subject forward for his punishment. Kiss The Royal Chicken!

The subject stands just so, puckers his lips as I wind up the royal rubber chicken to about 1,260 RPMS and POW! Right in the old bucket!! This tends to keep the subjects in line here on planet Davemania. The only real problem on my world is a global identity crises. Have you ever been in a room full of Daves and Davids? Magnify that experience to the size of Jupiter, except further out. Waaay out.

Okay - I'm outta here people! behave yourselves or Kiss the Royal Chicken!

Posted at 10:42 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(5) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-