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Saturday, October 27, 2007
King of the Bums (the reprisal)

I woke up to the sound of chants outside my window.., "All Hail Dave! All Hail Dave! All Hail Dave!". So I get up, open the window and see something like 500 unwashed homeless people (they prefer the term Bums, thank you very much) carrying makeshift signs.
 
When I stuck my head out the window - a hush washed across them like an ocean. All of them dropped to one knee as what appeared to be their spokesman approached carrying a big stick shaped like a sword. As he neared the window I asked, "Dude.., what the he.., what the.. ?? Whats going on here?"
 
"I am Leonerd, your humble servant.  We heard of your quest to be King of the Bums, and we want you to rule over us, sire." - said Leonerd.
 
"Get the heck out of my yard. What thuh.."?
 
"But Sire.., we wish you to be our king.., King David of the Bums. We only want you to rule over us. We will do whatever thy bidding be", came his moving but obviously mentally unbalanced plea.
 
"Yeah, yeah.., I get that. And as my first edict, 'get the heck out of my yard!'. I as your King am hereby ordering you out of my yard.  Go stand in the street. Anywhere, just not in my yard."
 
Leonerd, turned to the people.., "Scum! You heard our King - MOVE IT!".  The people rose in unison, shuffling onto the road.
 
So I went back to bed, and the phone rang.  I panicked, ran and hid in the bathroom.  The ringing would not stop - then realized it might be news on my daughter, so I answered the thing.  My mistake! It was the neighbor.  It seems my loyal subjects were having a party in their back yard and trying to catch said neighbor's cat for their celebratory feast, celebrating the fact they have found their King.  My neighbor also said they named ME as their King and overload.., or something to that effect and so he expected me to do something about this fiasco.
 
I got dressed, went over to the neighbor's house.  The bums were in the back yard lounging around all smacking their lips and rubbing their tummies next to a pile of bones.
 
"TELL ME YOU DID NOT EAT THE CAT!" - I yelled, in horror.
 
Leonard, approached, dropping to one knee.  "No master.., we could not catch the cat.  It was a dog, and we thank you for this bounty. It was quite good and much more filling than cat. Goes further too".
 
"I hope you know, you can go to jail for what you just did."
 
Leonard, rose to his feet, turned to the croud..., "Master has just offered us free room and board!" - to which the entirety of the gathering of the bums rose to their feet and started chanting, "All Hail King Dave! All Hail King Dave!"
 
So now, my loyal subjects are basking in a luxury suit at several police stations, but not before I told them.., "You have proved your loyalty - and when you get out of your temporary homes, I send you on a quest.  I have a friend - a powerful wizard,  in fact, named Herb who lives somewhere in the land called Colorado.  You will seek him out and remain there till you hear from me."
 
~ King Daveman
 
LEGAL DISCLAIMER:  The above story was a complete fabrication regardless of how totally believable it appeared to be.  However, the part where I woke up, was true. I in fact did wake up this morning.  No real animals were harmed for your entertainment.  Any resemblance to actual bums (living or dead) depicted herein is considered pure coincidence and nothing more. If any portion of this story (save for the fact that I woke up this morning) is mistaken as a true account, I can arrange for professional counseling at persons expense, not mine.  I'm not a wealthy man, you yo-yos.
 
THE BLIND CAPTION CONTEST CONTINUES - BUT DEADLINE
HAS BEEN CHANGED TO  FRIDAY NOVEMBER 2nd - ALSO -
ANOTHER KIND OF CONTEST IS MENTIONED AT END OF
NOTICE - Be a pal and vote on the "Spooksville" contest,
AND/OR your participation is good too.

Posted at 11:22 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(4) Pleading Hostages -->  


Friday, October 26, 2007
"BLIND CAPTION CONTEST"

Oh No! Not Another Caption Contest!
 
YES! ITS CAPTION CONTEST TIME AGAIN!  Only this time its an experimental idea I had (unless its been stolen already) which may or may not work.  This "Blind Caption Contest" is planned for one time only UNLESS it works out really well, in which case you can then expect more, blind caption contests.  Never fear - normal caption contest will follow after this.
 
PROCEDURE: (1)  I have preselected a still image from a Movie or Tv show.  (2) I will not show you the preselected image  (3) I will give you a short word or set of words to set your imagination off. This word or set of words may or may not have anything to do with the tone or theme of the preselected image   (4) You will use your imagination to dream up a caption, based on what you see in your head.
 
THE WINNER will be determined thus:  The caption closest fitting (humor wise) the preselected image will determine the winner! Yay! Me! I so rawk!  Okay, everyone join in..., "Yay! Daveman so rawks!".  You can stop chanting now. Its starting to creep me out.  If more than one caption suits preselected image I have a judge lined up who will help me determine the winner - and the other close matches will get honorable mention.  The Judge is not eligible for caption submission.  Neither am I. These rules apply only to "Blind Caption Contests"
 
RULES:  * No more than TWO captions per person.  * Keep it reasonably clean. * You must be Baptist - Just Kidding! This has nothing to do with religion or anti-religion.., its just a contest for crying out loud.  And if you do this in the nude, I really would rather not know about it. Sicko.
 
WINNER (as always) Gets a big plug here on the blog.
Non Winners (as always) get respect
 
BLIND CAPTION CONTEST WORDS: 
"Hog-warts"
 
(Appended 10-27-07)
DeadLine - November 2, 2007
Picture and winning caption to be posted
after that date. Come one, come all!

(changed deadline from Oct. 31 to Nov. 2 due to
conflict with bix contest I am holding: "Spooksville"
click here to participate or vote on this seperate contest.)

Posted at 04:52 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(15) Pleading Hostages -->  


News On Daughter and Baby

Just a quick note to let you know - Daughter seen the doctor and he decides to put off inducing labor, fully expecting little Job to make a showing before Monday all on his own power.   Yeah - he should have told that to Job! LOL.

So now its more of wait and see.  And as I told a friend.., I may have to hire a professional negotiator armed with a bull horn and a bag of candy to coax the kid out.

I'm really not feeling so keen right now.  I've been making an ash out of myself. Been having stupid ideas till reality set in.  Kind of hurts but I'm good. **looks in the mirror and recites a That 70's Show phrase, to self**.., "Dumb @$$!"


Posted at 12:00 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(9) Pleading Hostages -->  


Thursday, October 25, 2007
Another Meme-ory thing

I have seen this meme making the circles, of which I first seen at Judy's Blog, also Herb's, and Abby-Normal's then later at others.  Since I haven't seen the Meme that Terri had due to Blog Disruptus (for lack of a better word) I'm going to assume this may have been the meme she tagged me for.   I may or may not have done this a long while back, I'm just too lazy to check, so rather than fight this one, its interesting enough for me to just go ahead and do it.
 

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Buss Boy
2. Paint Store Salesman
3. Maintenance man @ The Mall
4. Carpenter
(I was also a hooker - but its not what you think - maybe I'll blog entry on this one later. Whatta ya think?)

Four Movies I have watched over and over:
1. Back To The Future (trilogy)
2. Stephen King's, Silver Bullet
3. Night of the Comet
4. It's a Wonderful Life (YES I'm a sap!!! I like to try and watch it every Christmas - that and, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)

Four places I have lived:
1. Arkansas
2. California
3. Texas
4. Arkansas (different town)

Four Shows I love to watch:
1. Carpoolers (funny new sitcom)
2. Smallville   (I'm disappointed Superman is afraid of heights though - I mean duh!)
3. History Channel (anything on ancient Rome or World Wars 1 & 2)
4. Heroes (and I'm kinda getting disappointed this second season)

Four Places I have been on vacation:
1. Whats a vacation? - no one will tell me!
2. Whats a vacation? - no one will tell me!
3. Whats a vacation? - no one will tell me!
4. Whats a vacation? - no one will tell me!

Four of my favorite cuisines:
1. McDonald's Big Mac (eat your heart out PETA!) 
2. McDonald's Quarter Pounder
3. Subway Sandwiches
4. Snappy's Fried  Chicken (or even KFC)
(keep yer faincy calamari and fish eggs thank you very much)

Four favorite drinks:
1. Dr. Pepper
2. Generic diet Cola
3. Green Tea
4. Filtered Tap Water

Four places (and activities) I would rather be (doing) right now:
1. Anywhere: Relic Hunting with my metal detector and gear (but my back wont let me. sigh)
2. At Home: Singing (if I could ever get my singing voice back - no one likes my current Alfalfa style crooning)
3. At Home: Drawing or Painting (while desire is there, "the mood" hasn't kicked in
4. Ticking / Playing with Grandson - rarely do I get to see the little knot head.

Four people I will tag:
1. Whoever wants to do it
2. Whoever wants to do it
3. Whoever wants to do it
4. Whoever wants to do it


Posted at 01:48 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(8) Pleading Hostages -->  


Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Update On Stuff

In light of the events of my last entry - I have filed a first class action law suit against myself for 18.5 Million Trillion Dollars!  Of all the get rich quick schemes out there, I bet this is gunna be a winner! YEAH BUDDY! I'd be rollin in the green when I get all that muney from myself.  Uhm.., I'm just curious as to how I'm gunna raise that kind of money to pay myself.

Maybe some of you can have a charity concert on my behalf, because I'm pretty certain I'm gunna be pretty ruthless in expecting all that cool green from myself.  Sometimes it just sucks to be me.  Heck, maybe some topless car washes will help, even.  Naw - I guess not.  No one wants to see Herb, Myself and the rest of us geriatrics going around without our shirts.  It would be like going to Sea World to watch Shamu's babies beach them selves.  ACK! This fund raising stuff ain't gunna be easy.  Maybe I should just drop the law suit and save myself some headaches.

Well anywho - I called Daughter today.  She didn't like what I called er and hung up, so I had to call her back agin.  Touchy, touchy, touchy.

No grand-kiddling today.  It seems she goes to see the doctor tomorrow to see if said doctor wants to induce labor.  I still say putting her to work at the hospital to pay off the bill is a bit much given her delicate condition.  Inducing labor indeed.

Anyways - long story short - I had daughter place the phone on her belly (I'm serious) and I told Job.., "Look kid.  Do this for your Gampa who loves ya. You are arriving tonight, ya little snot. Got that!?." 

SO - I am fully expecting Job to make his debut TONIGHT!  So write it down.  Job and I have an understanding on this. He WILL arrive tonight.  There is NO room for doubt.  Unless of course he doesn't in which case - eventually he has to show himself. After all, I know where he lives.


Posted at 11:49 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(7) Pleading Hostages -->  


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