Herb and Friends spill their guts... and you have to clean it up!
They had the power to bring change... too bad it was just for a buck-fourty-nine
MY WISH LIST
Yes, you can buy my silence or just get me something because you've enjoyed my blog content and feel guilty for reading it for free. You can even buy me something if you hate my blog - your punishment in this way is more than I can stand. Or, you can just look through and wish along with me.
Arg! People are schtupid sometimes. Actually, its some people all the time, and the rest of us just once in a sometimes.., except you, my dear readers who NEVER do anything stupid. (nice save or what?)
I want to buy those half moon packaged Apple Pies - the Blue Bird brand quit specifically - right? And they like cost a small fortune in most stores unless you buy the Little Debbie brand. Blue Bird brand is 90¢ each where as Little Debbie brand is 50¢ each - but imagine my surprise to find the Blue Bird brand at the Dollar General for just 50¢ each!
Now, here's my gripe; no matter what store you buy the Blue Bird brand, some IDIOTS for some reason feel they have to SQUEEZE the package's guts out, and once ruined (crushed) they decide they don't want to buy it. I suspect its the same schtupid people who SQUEEZE the guts out of fruits and veggies, and never buy the ones they ruin.
If you know people like this - inform them that no human being on this Earth can detect the freshness of a pie buy SQUEEZING its guts out! Thats why they have EXPIRATION DATES on them! **cue Dave in a Chevy Chase stomping tantrum**
And as for tomatoes, plums or whatever else - when Chef's say they feel the fruit and veggies for freshness - THEY DO NOT SQUEEZE its guts out! No! They FEEL it. There is an art to the process. Just hold the gosh darn thing in your hand. Tactile feel does not mean SQUISHING! [insert violent screaming session here]
I am a hairs breadth away from establishing my own vegetable & pie police department, complete with its own set of laws. People who get caught SQUEEZING veggies, fruits or pies would be forced to buy EVERY veggie or fruit or that other customers ruined and never got caught OR face the wheel. The wheel you ask?
Its a gizmo what I seen on one of the Mad Max movies where they chant "Bust a Deal, Face the Wheel!". Its like that big wheel on Wheel of Fortune. Spin it to see what your punishment will be. One of which would be banishment to a country where they don't care about the condition of fruits just so long as its edible.
Speaking of which - as I put up the cart at Wally World's.., I seen their trash container had written in the side of it "Inedible". Are people that stupid there's a need to write inedible on the side of a TRASH CAN!? Children to young to understand that eating from trash cans is bad, CANT READ! Hello?
"Deep breaths, Daveman.., deep breaths!" - yeah - sorry. I got a grip now. I'm cool. I'm good. All settled down now. I deeply apologize for this rant. But I'm good now. [insert another Daveman doing the Chevy Chase body throw down, kicking, screaming, convulsing]
Blue Bird brand apple pies are perfect! Not too sweet, not too tart. Most other brands are too sweet, too tart. Okay, they all are fattening, but thats okay if they taste right. Warm one up and dip a little vanilla ice cream on it. Mmmm-mmmm-mmm!
CHEVY CHASE, HAVING A FIT (About 3 minutes into the 5 minute video) From "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"
If I were to try to have a big family Christmas gathering, I am sure, poor Clark Griswold's xmas would be perfect by comparison. The problems that would arise would be Biblical proportioned, I'm sure of it.
I'm not going to get a chance to update today either. Its just not in the cards. I looked! They didn't say that exactly.., because cards don't actually talk. Big shock there, let me tell you.
So Jack sign languages to the Queen, "Dave isn't going to be able to update his blog today". And the Queen sign languages to the King the same thing. I hate those cards.
I actually did know sign language for a while. I still remember some of it, very little in fact. I learned ASL (American Sign Language) back when I was married to Ditsy (my one and only daughter's mother - not to be confused with Cujo, ex #2).., she had a deaf sister - and I got tired of writing things out.
But anyways - just to let you know - I wont be blogging today either. But I'll have Herb do some tap dancing for your entertainment until I do get a chance to update. Herb is the best tap dancinger person I never saw tap dancing. Scott also does a great impression Telly Savalas (Tvs 70s Kojak)..., he might show up and do it for you.
Blues Brutha moved locations - here; http://bluesbrutha.blogdrive.com/ so if you need Guitaring advice or etiquette on coffee drinking or binge drinking, he's the man to see.
Am taking a break today. Not one word will I write. Nope. Not gunna happen. I'll see you soon, barring earthquakes, tornadoes or an attack by killer Hamsters .., you know.., natural every day disasters that are beyond my control
I say - its high time we stand up for the underdog. "People who talk to themselves"! They are NOT crazy, just sly foxes. Okay, stop reading that like it was a Steve Martin SNL line. Just stop it. It ruins the sincerity of it all.
People who talk to themselves do so because its the only true moment in time when they can engage in intelligent conversation, and whats so crazy about that? I ask you. NO! Don't answer..., thats a rhetorical question, it needs no answer. You are quite feisty today arent you? I mean, because it seems I am calling you down at every corner. Behave.
Ack!! Don't! Don't! Just putting you in check before I get started and you detract my attention once more. Smart people talk to themselves - and dumb people get jealous, having the talkers committed to state hospitals. No more! No more I say! Stand up for the people who talk to themselves - in fact I'm thinking about having a world benefit day complete with video and music recording.... "We aren't the stupid, we are the Smart". Kinda catchy eh?
Uhm.., I'm sorry. What are you people doing here so early for? I was still discussing plans with me. Could you come back in about ten minutes? Thank you.
AHEM - as I was saying.., so Dave.. what do you think about this idea stretching exercise? the whole save the crazies idea?
You're asking me? Well, I gotta be honest Dave. YOU ARE FREAKING, NUTS! I don't know about you, but I'm leaving with those folks you just chased off. They are way much more fun to be with.