Davemania

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

My New Career

I am hereby applying for, AncoraImparo's opening for a finger whipper.

Requirements are to be physically intimidating and whip her fingers every time she slacks off from her typing. Call me a Motivational Speaker, dealing in sign language. All the paperwork in the world would never convey my qualifications so I put on my professional "Finger Whipping" business look. After hours I go back to being the lovable AND adorable me.

My Business Look

My After hours look

My Casual Look

All pictures are a little dated, because I do have a haircut now. Just DO NOT look at my Project Playlist photo which was taken prior to my haircut. That was my Aminal Look.

So I hope I get the job as a finger whipper. Okay, she says "Finger Wacker" but we who are in the trade prefer, "Finger Whipper". Yeah, yeah.., I know.., its a new profession and I'm perhaps the first, but I'm setting the standard for this field.

Posted at 07:53 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(11) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

A Musical Meme-sie - but an interesting one

I stole this from Deirdre! Shhhhh! No ratting me out, okay? I'm not really into Memes, but once in a while one comes along that sounds fun if not interesting, In my case I am using my "Project Playlist" on-line Player - and blindly moving my cursor then clicking. Its a totally random selection.

Rules: Put your music player on shuffle.  For each question, press the 'next' button.  You must write the song name, no matter how silly it sounds!

I.        If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say? Last Train to Clarksville (The Monkees)
II.      What would best describe your personality? Only Sixteen (Dr. Hook)
III.   What do you like in a guy/girl?   Free Bird (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
IV.   How do you feel today?   Band on the Run   (Paul McCartney and Wings)
V.     What is your life's purpose?   Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay (Otis Redding)
VI.    What is your motto?   Bad Moon Rising (Credence Clearwater Revival)
VII. What do your friends think of you? Jump, Jive and Wail (Brian Seltzer)
VIII.   What do you think of your parents?   Matchbox   (johnny lang)
IX.   What do you think about very often? Maggie May (Rod Stewart)
X.     What do you think of your best friend?   We're an American Band (Grand Funk Railroad)
XI.   What do you think of the person you like?   Brand New Key (Melanie)
XII.   What is your life story? Jim Dandy (Black Oak Arkansas)
XIII.   What do you want to be when you grow up?   Maxwell's Silver Hammer (Paul McCartney)

XIV. What do you think when you see the person you like? Why Me Lord? (Kris Kristofferson)

XV.    What do your parents think of you?   Promised Land (Elvis Presley)
XVI. What will you dance to at your wedding? Evil Woman (Electric Light Orchestra)
XVII. What will they play at your funeral? Johnny B Goode (by Mart McFly)
XVIII. What is your favorite hobby/interest?   Taking Care of Business (Bachman Turner Overdrive)
XIX.   What is your biggest fear? Jack and Diane (John Cougar Mellencamp)

XX. What is your biggest secret? Night Moves (Bob Seger)
XXI. What song will be the title when you repost this? Indian Reservation (Paul Revere and the Raiders)

Anyone is free to participate, is not obligatory and I wont put you on the spot by tagging you. Its fun if not interesting, ju know what I mean? :-)

Posted at 07:55 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(9) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Iranian President Lectures NY University Students

Iranian President Abinijabbadabbadoo, did indeed speak at the University in question. It was a massive love fest, people! As the Iranian President, Abinijabadiddywawa brought out his guitar and started singing Kum-Bay-Ya.., students wept and swayed to the rhythm in the rain and in twenty minutes the entire university was under his powerful mind control and now has the world believing there was no holocaust - and 9-11, was not 9-11, as he delivered the 4-1-1 on the matter.

No, 9-11 did not happen - it was a sophisticated stack of Legos stacked up to look like the World Trade Center and the U.S. Gubment hired mini people to fly mini planes with mini mannequins into these toy towers. In fact, the World Trade Center is not there because it never was there except in those Great Satan Hollywood lying movies.

So you see ladies and gentlemen - Iranian President Abinijabbawabbawookie, is a highly educated expert in history and anything else you think you know that you don't know and should not believe any of until he sets you straight on the matter, like he does in his own country.

Yes, Iranian President, Abinijabbawambamabeebop, is just misunderstood, like poor Adolf Hitler who was framed by a conspiracy. Its true. The holocaust never happened. Six Million Jews were just killed by very strong imaginations. Its all perfectly logical when you hear Iranian President Abinijabberwockiehocky explain it.

And women in Iran are respected. In fact men allow themselves to be beaten by women instead of the other way around. We have the Iranian President, Abinijabbinaweenawawa's word for it. Also did you know homosexuals do not exist in Iran. Why? Because the Iranian gubment exterminated them all. But they didnt kill the homosexuals.

Thats why there are no homosexuals in Iran. Well.., okay there are.., but not. Okay - its late - my brain is exhausted and needs some rest after trying to digest all this true information the Iranian President, Abinijabobbawabbajojack, spoon fed everyone. Good night all.

Posted at 12:58 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(6) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Meanwhile, Back at the Vatican

..., and so I sez to the Pope.., who's name I shall not speak because I cant pronounce or remember it.., "Look, Pope dude. Its like this. You walk out on the balcony, and simply give your speech. Preferably in Latin because Italian peoples love that language of which they cant understand.., and really.., you could be telling them their grandmothers were prostitutes and they wouldnt know it. Although I suggest you don't do that just in case one of them knows Latin. Yeah, yeah, I know you're shy about speaking to thousands upon thousands of people milling around out there, filling up the city - but there's a trick to that. Picture everyone in their underwear. Sure its sick, but it makes them less intimidating."

Then I collect my consultant fee and I'm outta there. But listen.., was it my fault he didn't understand a word of English? he paid for my advice, not English lessons. Duh. So I head for the airport on my way to consult Castro on how to be a better American when who did I bump into at the airport? I don't know. I was sort of hoping you knew who it was - but anyway - InFidel (a nick I gave him) called me up to cancel our appointment.

As luck would have it, Dr. Phil was on my flight back to the States and he needed my advice on how to deal with a guest on his show; a man who thinks he's a lesbian because he's in love with a lesbian.., and so I says to Phil.., "Aren't we men all lesbians at heart? We love women don't we? We are merely Butch Lesbians what are male. See, buddy? Its not that complicated.". I think Phil was relieved after our talk because he whipped out a cute little pink bow and proudly scotch taped it to his bald head for all the world to see. "Uh.., Phil.., forget that last part. You aren't a Butch Lesbian after all. You're just a messed up lesbian. Period" said I.

As you see.., I am a trained professional, people. Please do not try this kind of consulting practice at home or in public. Now.., get out of my yard before I call the cops. **shakes cane at at you** Ya dern hippy kids! Git a job!

You may have guessed - The Daveman is Back, baby!
- At least for the moment -

Legal: No Catholics were harmed during the construction of this blog entry, nor do I have anything against same. If you are Catholic and found this entry sacrilegious in any way.., my consultation services are available - for a price - I can help.

Posted at 11:22 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(13) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Blah Blah Blah

Its hard to find humor in pain. I wrote something, posted it - decided, it sucked, deleted it - but it just occurred to me I'd have to delete my whole blog because it all sucks. And so I decided against deleting my blog.., because lets face it. The world needs sucky blogs so they can appreciate the truly great blogs.

And as I look at it in this light - sometimes - sucky blogs do rawk! The good blogs would look so dorky without people like me - so I do serve a purpose in life after all. I think THEY owe me BIG TIME! So feel free to remind these up in the air professional bloggers, they owe me and I demand payment.

I think if they all pitched in, I could live rather comfortably by making them look even better than before. If they don't? I will make links to their blogs and then they will be so sorry. Oh look! I already made links to superior blogs! I so rawk! Gawd my back hurts... I took a pain pill but its not doing its job. <sighs>

KEEPING UP WITH ABBY - Topic: Comments & Replies
     Not to be outdone by Abby (not that its a competition or anything) .., I would also like to comment about the comments and replies and so forth and so on, etc.
     Sometimes I reply to comments and sometimes I don't. It depends on mood, the type of comments related to what the subject the visitor comments were addressing and stuff like that and etc.
      I do reply but intermittently so you can check em next time you drop in and stuff to see if I replied or not.
     I do read the comments! so don't think they are ignored. The only exceptions would be if a visitor goes through the Archives and comments on a blog entry I made that scrolled off the main page. Unless someone calls my attention to it, I seldom ever look up an old old blog entry to check the comments.. with the exception of looking up blackmail material - - which reminds me - you peeps have really let me down in that area. So little blackmailing material, too little time to look for it.

Posted at 01:20 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(9) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-