|
|
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Meanwhile, Back at the Vatican
..., and so I sez to the Pope.., who's name I shall not speak because I cant pronounce or remember it.., "Look, Pope dude. Its like this. You walk out on the balcony, and simply give your speech. Preferably in Latin because Italian peoples love that language of which they cant understand.., and really.., you could be telling them their grandmothers were prostitutes and they wouldnt know it. Although I suggest you don't do that just in case one of them knows Latin. Yeah, yeah, I know you're shy about speaking to thousands upon thousands of people milling around out there, filling up the city - but there's a trick to that. Picture everyone in their underwear. Sure its sick, but it makes them less intimidating."
Then I collect my consultant fee and I'm outta there. But listen.., was it my fault he didn't understand a word of English? he paid for my advice, not English lessons. Duh. So I head for the airport on my way to consult Castro on how to be a better American when who did I bump into at the airport? I don't know. I was sort of hoping you knew who it was - but anyway - InFidel (a nick I gave him) called me up to cancel our appointment.
As luck would have it, Dr. Phil was on my flight back to the States and he needed my advice on how to deal with a guest on his show; a man who thinks he's a lesbian because he's in love with a lesbian.., and so I says to Phil.., "Aren't we men all lesbians at heart? We love women don't we? We are merely Butch Lesbians what are male. See, buddy? Its not that complicated.". I think Phil was relieved after our talk because he whipped out a cute little pink bow and proudly scotch taped it to his bald head for all the world to see. "Uh.., Phil.., forget that last part. You aren't a Butch Lesbian after all. You're just a messed up lesbian. Period" said I.
As you see.., I am a trained professional, people. Please do not try this kind of consulting practice at home or in public. Now.., get out of my yard before I call the cops. **shakes cane at at you** Ya dern hippy kids! Git a job!
|
You may have guessed - The Daveman is Back, baby!
- At least for the moment -
Legal: No Catholics were harmed during the construction of this blog entry, nor do I have anything against same. If you are Catholic and found this entry sacrilegious in any way.., my consultation services are available - for a price - I can help. |
Posted at 11:22 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
Its hard to find humor in pain. I wrote something, posted it - decided, it sucked, deleted it - but it just occurred to me I'd have to delete my whole blog because it all sucks. And so I decided against deleting my blog.., because lets face it. The world needs sucky blogs so they can appreciate the truly great blogs.
And as I look at it in this light - sometimes - sucky blogs do rawk! The good blogs would look so dorky without people like me - so I do serve a purpose in life after all. I think THEY owe me BIG TIME! So feel free to remind these up in the air professional bloggers, they owe me and I demand payment.
I think if they all pitched in, I could live rather comfortably by making them look even better than before. If they don't? I will make links to their blogs and then they will be so sorry. Oh look! I already made links to superior blogs! I so rawk! Gawd my back hurts... I took a pain pill but its not doing its job. <sighs>
KEEPING UP WITH ABBY - Topic: Comments & Replies
Not to be outdone by Abby (not that its a competition or anything) .., I would also like to comment about the comments and replies and so forth and so on, etc.
Sometimes I reply to comments and sometimes I don't. It depends on mood, the type of comments related to what the subject the visitor comments were addressing and stuff like that and etc.
I do reply but intermittently so you can check em next time you drop in and stuff to see if I replied or not.
I do read the comments! so don't think they are ignored. The only exceptions would be if a visitor goes through the Archives and comments on a blog entry I made that scrolled off the main page. Unless someone calls my attention to it, I seldom ever look up an old old blog entry to check the comments.. with the exception of looking up blackmail material - - which reminds me - you peeps have really let me down in that area. So little blackmailing material, too little time to look for it. |
Posted at 01:20 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Sorry, I am not in at the moment. At the tone.., if you could leave your name, phone number and a brief message I would be getting back to you.., but as I already stated.. "I am not in at the moment" .., and that moment is continuous, pretty much, at least until whatever time it is I get back here to answer said messages left after the tone.
There is just one little snippet. The tone generator is broken and the beeps at the Tone and Beep store are all out of stock and they wont have any replacements until much later. If you could just hold until I get back - it would save us both a whole lot of problems. Well..., saving ME a whole lot of problems anyway.
Oh and If Joe is one of my callers - some woman called demanding money from you. I dunno what else she had to say because she sounded scary, so I hung up on her. Just before I made the disconnect, she vowed to disembowel me if I hung up. Whoops!
Posted at 06:20 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
Friday, September 21, 2007
Clearly - I am officially old. My head aches, my back aches, my butt aches, my knee aches - in fact my aches ache. Just thought you who hang on my every word should know. You may send care packages, money and retirement home brochures because it looks like I'll be needing them.
Am I getting good at belly aching or what? OH MAN! ANOTHER ACHE! SEEE!? I told you I was getting old. Nurse! Nurse! More meds please! I see dead people! .., no.., **looks closer**..., hmmmm. No..,not dead people. Bored sleeping people! I see bored sleeping people - Wake up!
Posted at 01:10 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
Posted at 10:01 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
-Alternate Reality Speak-
|
|
|
![[Valid RSS]](http://daveman.blogdrive.com/images/valid-rss.png "Validate my RSS feed")
