Herb and Friends spill their guts... and you have to clean it up!
They had the power to bring change... too bad it was just for a buck-fourty-nine
MY WISH LIST
Yes, you can buy my silence or just get me something because you've enjoyed my blog content and feel guilty for reading it for free. You can even buy me something if you hate my blog - your punishment in this way is more than I can stand. Or, you can just look through and wish along with me.
Okay - its that time of year again when all the LOSERS vie for Champion of the Air Guitar title. Now, I don't know of too many people who have not imbibed of the Air Gutarism, just horsing around - but jeesh. A major competition of it? I watched a few videos of these international competitions - and I am unimpressed. It seems most of them forget they are supposed to be playing an air guitar and just dance, swing, jump, crump and lump all over the stage - with occasional reminders that maybe they do have an imaginary air guitar in hand.
Sorry - but I wont waste good money attending a convention of losers. It takes one to know one? Yeah - whatever. I'm just saying the whole thing looks idiotic. Then thats just me and my opinion. I am pretty sure I do not possess any great power to persuade people my way of thinking - and I really don't want that responsibility. If you like these things, mo powuh to ya - but that doesn't change my opinion, one bit.
And by the way - if it weren't for my back and my gimpy knee - I WOULD SOOOO RULE THAT STAGE! YEAH BAY-BAY! I am confidant I could show them clowns how REAL "air guitar" is played. But I guess I could assume role of trainer - Dave Miagi, sinsay of the Air Guitar Arts. I would just have to find "The One" next great Air Guitar Master, and train him or her to perfection. We could split the $2 grand prize and retire for the rest of my life. My Air-Guitarist Stage Name? "THE DAVEMASTER" - I so blipping Wock! **picks up trusty old air guitar from a case what hasn't been opened since the 70s, blows off the dust and strums a chord**
EXAMPLE OF JUST ONE 2007 CONTESTANT Is it me or does this suck bricks?
The creatures were all over the back porch last night. It seems the rain drives them from every outer surface of the house. Rather than salt the slugs and create a horrible slimy mess - Urethra! I had an Einstein moment! I got a fly swat (from my Great White Fly Hunter days) ..., and scooped them one by one, flinging them off the fly swat into the yard. But one - a wily one, a sinister slug.., hung on just long enough - for the swatter end to flex backward - the force I used, sent the slug barreling back - it seemed that split second became an eternity as the slug from hell came closer and closer, with no time to react. SPLAT! The sucker stuck on my forehead!!!!!!!!!
That's science at work folks E=MC .., ? or actually its more like.., for ever action there is an equal but opposite snail on your face.
I did my Indian Dance, screaming "Oh God noooo! Oh God noooo! Ewwwwwwww!!!!" yes, thats right! Exclamation Mark City, baby!!!! Oh the horror! I grabbed the vile slimy creature with my one hand that wasn't flinging wildly about and tossed it manually into the darkness. Needless to say, if anyone had been between me and the bathroom at that moment, would have resulted in Hit & Run charges. I scrubbed my forehead like the wind! Using the antibacterial soap - I scrubbed for thirty minutes, until I felt the squeamishness pass.
Maybe its Karma paying me back for certain comments I made a month or two ago. I dunno. Karma can be efficious at times.
Imagine you are about to take a nap. You lay down in bed, on your back. Oh man! It feels so good. The soft bed seems to embrace you. You then feel a kind of itch under your back,.., it passes as you relax. Suddenly - that itch comes back but this time it feels cold, slithery ..., ITS MOVING!
You jump up to find something like THIS in your bed - only its black!!!! (nothing racist intended toward centipedes of all colors and genders)
I don't care that it may not be poisonous, or poisonous. I killed the sucker just because it was in my bed and on me.
Hoyt Axton is another one my favorite singers. He was a pretty good actor too, that is if you liked him in the movie.., "Gremlins". Enjoy two songs below.
Since someone did ask - I shall reconvene this meeting. About 2 years ago I covered this, but for those who missed it and those who are kind of new and sort of new, but not quite and for those who are brand new to this blog, I now divulge the word that should have been global by now.
Ever see those cars with that color you quite didn't know what it was? Kinda like this but more like that, but yet not quite either or? THAT color is "Jauntreuse". I invented this word for the purpose and ease of describing "that" color you cant quite figure out.
Use of this word makes you look brainy and smart, even if you have the intelligence of a rock, suddenly - you appear hip and happening, by impressing these souls who cant figure out a color (and neither can you) - simply say with confidence.., "Oh! That! Its Jauntreuse.
I bet you feel that superior intellect just flooding your being right now... and you know I'm right. And if you dissagree..., just don't. Nod your head as if in agreement and you will not be imprisoned when my species arrive in the mother ship.
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