Davemania

Sunday, September 09, 2007

The Night of the Killer Slug

The creatures were all over the back porch last night. It seems the rain drives them from every outer surface of the house. Rather than salt the slugs and create a horrible slimy mess - Urethra! I had an Einstein moment! I got a fly swat (from my Great White Fly Hunter days) ..., and scooped them one by one, flinging them off the fly swat into the yard. But one - a wily one, a sinister slug.., hung on just long enough - for the swatter end to flex backward - the force I used, sent the slug barreling back - it seemed that split second became an eternity as the slug from hell came closer and closer, with no time to react. SPLAT! The sucker stuck on my forehead!!!!!!!!!

That's science at work folks E=MC .., ? or actually its more like.., for ever action there is an equal but opposite snail on your face.

I did my Indian Dance, screaming "Oh God noooo! Oh God noooo! Ewwwwwwww!!!!" yes, thats right! Exclamation Mark City, baby!!!! Oh the horror! I grabbed the vile slimy creature with my one hand that wasn't flinging wildly about and tossed it manually into the darkness. Needless to say, if anyone had been between me and the bathroom at that moment, would have resulted in Hit & Run charges. I scrubbed my forehead like the wind! Using the antibacterial soap - I scrubbed for thirty minutes, until I felt the squeamishness pass.

Maybe its Karma paying me back for certain comments I made a month or two ago. I dunno. Karma can be efficious at times.

Posted at 12:41 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(12) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Just Imagine...

Imagine you are about to take a nap. You lay down in bed, on your back. Oh man! It feels so good. The soft bed seems to embrace you. You then feel a kind of itch under your back,.., it passes as you relax. Suddenly - that itch comes back but this time it feels cold, slithery ..., ITS MOVING!

You jump up to find something like THIS in your bed - only its black!!!! (nothing racist intended toward centipedes of all colors and genders)

I don't care that it may not be poisonous, or poisonous.
I killed the sucker just because it was in my bed and on me.

<<massive shivers>>

Posted at 11:38 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(10) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Friday, September 07, 2007

Hoyt Axton - The Man and His Songs

Hoyt Axton is another one my favorite singers. He was a pretty good actor too, that is if you liked him in the movie.., "Gremlins". Enjoy two songs below.

HOYT AXTON - "A Rusty Old Halo"

HOYT AXTON - Della and the Dealer

Posted at 07:55 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(3) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Jauntreuse Class Revisited

Since someone did ask - I shall reconvene this meeting. About 2 years ago I covered this, but for those who missed it and those who are kind of new and sort of new, but not quite and for those who are brand new to this blog, I now divulge the word that should have been global by now.

Ever see those cars with that color you quite didn't know what it was? Kinda like this but more like that, but yet not quite either or? THAT color is "Jauntreuse". I invented this word for the purpose and ease of describing "that" color you cant quite figure out.

Use of this word makes you look brainy and smart, even if you have the intelligence of a rock, suddenly - you appear hip and happening, by impressing these souls who cant figure out a color (and neither can you) - simply say with confidence.., "Oh! That! Its Jauntreuse.

I bet you feel that superior intellect just flooding your being right now... and you know I'm right. And if you dissagree..., just don't. Nod your head as if in agreement and you will not be imprisoned when my species arrive in the mother ship.

Posted at 01:38 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(6) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Thursday, September 06, 2007

50 Thingys

I stole this from Sinja (he was just asking for it to happen) - who stole it from MySpace who stole it from?? I dunno. I dunt care, because that gives me at least some level of Plausible Deniability. Am I right or am I right? Yeeew know I'm right!

- - - 50 THINGS - - -

about me

1. Do you like cheese?
- Yes I do! More cheese if you please..

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
- No I haven't even smoked His'n.

3. Do you own a gun?
- No. But I'm not against people's rights to bear arms though, if thats what you're getting at. Well- except for idiots who shouldn't own a gun to start with.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
- Yes. I hate going to the doctor for anything.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
- I love hot dogs - mainly Chili Dog's with slaw and cheese - delish!

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
- Have a Holly Jolly Christmas .., by Burl Ives. It takes me back when Christmas had a more down to earth meaning.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
- Coffee - the brain powerizer

9. Can you do push ups?
-   I could probably do push ups. But I'm not doing them to impress you, aeight!?

10. Is your bathroom clean?
-     Its so clean you could eat off the floor! But I wouldnt recommend it.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
-     A cheap watch purchased at Walmart. In other words I'm not into jewelry..

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
- I put out the Vibes, baby. I put out the vibes.

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
- A little. I can also do some subtraction and know some of my gazentas (2 gazenta 4 two times, 4 gazenta 12 two plus one times) If you're going to succumb to a cliché response at least beef it up some.

16. Middle Name?
- I have one, yes I do.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1) I'm not sure why am answering these questions
2) My back still hurts

3) I wish I was one stinking filthy rich human being.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
1) Butterscotch Candy

2) Ovaltine - malt flavor

3) A Veggie Burger. Its okay but I really don't see myself buying that crap again.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
1) Water
2) Generic Diet Cola
3) Lipton Green Tea with Honey

20. Current worry?
-    Yes

21. Current hate?
-   I'm beginning to hate answering these questions.

22. Favorite place to be?
-    Someplace other than here. I'd rather be over there (points to the corner of the room).
23. How did you bring in the New Year?
-    I never bring it in. I leave it outside for fear it might piddle on the carpet.

24. Where would you like to go?
- Heaven. Yep..., I think that would do it.

27. Do you own slippers?
- Only rich people own slippers.

28. What are you wearing?
- Clothes.

29. Do you burn or tan?
- I burn rather well

30. Favorite color?
- Jauntreuse (go ahead, ask!)

31. Would you be a pirate?
- Well - if it didn't involve doing anything illegal - sure. Why not.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
- I don't sing in the shower. There's nobody in there to be impressed.

35. What's in your pocket right now?
- about 35 cents. And some of you thought I didn't have any cents. Hah!

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
- Video of Red Skelton - aside from that, hearing about my grandson's antics.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
- My bed sheets was never a child. Are you on drugs or something?

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
- Busted up knee and a cracked rib

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
- How many TV's do YOU have in YOUR house?

41. Who is your loudest friend?
- I don't know

42. Who is your most silent friend?
- I don't know.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
- Well - Duh! I should think so.

45. What is your favorite book?
- I like em all. Well - of those I read, I kinda like.

46. What is your favorite candy?
- Butterscotch hard candies

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
- Nosy batsward aren't ya

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
- "The Long and Winding Road", by Paul McCartney/Beatles

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
- Watching a couple of first season episodes of SLIDERS.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
- 50 ways to Kill the alarm clock

If you wanna do this - go for it, but let me know so I can drag out my note pad. I need the blackmail material, so make it juicy.

Posted at 07:02 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(14) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-