Davemania

Saturday, January 28, 2006

The Forrest Gump Frame of Mind

I sat here thankin of somethin' to write about. And I thought and thought somemore and before I knowed what happend, I had actually thought for quite a long time. Like my Grandma used to say, "Son, aint no use in thankin' too hard about thangs. You'll just end up with a headache."

Know whut? She was riight. My head is achin like somebody stomped on it with a big truck. But anyway I'd like to write somethin' while I'm not thankin for right now.

I remember the times I didnt get to meet President Clinton or President Bush. I remember that quite well. Includin' the time I never got to shake Jim Varney's hand. Seen him but didnt say nothin'. Of course he was alive back then and was filmin a movie called, "Daddy and Them" at the time. I coulda, but didnt. I expect a man famous in a small country city deserved his coffee drankin' in peace. So I left him to his self.

Of course I never did see that movie - cause it was a flop the way I hear it. But blame that on, Billy Bob Thornton (a fellow Arkansan) for that one. Thats kinda sad, cause it was ol' Jim Varney's last movie and his only real serious role that I can thank of. But for your records - that movie was filmed in Cabot, Arkansas and I was there.

I nearly got my VHS Video camera taken from me as I strolled bravely around the actors trailers and got a picture of the house, camera booms and all that. Fortunately the security guard what nailed me had mercy only because I didnt get the actors on video yet.

Well. Thats all I gotta say. Well, actually I gotta say one more thang. My first and only true love was from Cabot Arkansas. Never more, Lenore. Like Momma used to say, "Girls is like a box of chocolates; Sometimes you go through a few nuts before you hit carmel." Well - my first true love was the carmel - and I was the nut in this case for lettin' her get away. Dang ropes wudnt tight enuff I espect.

** starts playing with stun-gun again**

!!!BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!

** dave lays barely conscious - twitching**

Posted at 10:39 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(5) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Friday, January 27, 2006

And Yet A New Dating Method

Can you believe this guy? He had a harem of 11 women presumedly through hypnosis and threats. He even was in possession of a stun gun. Who knew the stun gun had alternative uses? Geesh. And all this time I been alone for nothing.

**dave wonders if his stun gun really works** - - -

!!!BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!

** dave lays barely conscious - twitching**

Posted at 08:19 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(3) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Freedom! Freeeeeedom! I got me Freedom!

"Cast away thy Canes and crutches - thou art whole" saith the doctor. "Walk! Yeah verily I say, walk." And so I stood and walked erect - my knuckles mere centimeters off the floor and I could walk and stand and.....

Okay - what was really said after a few questions about my foot and said the pain and vein event, was/is related to the [seh-bite-iss] (sorry don't have the proper spelling) but my ____ is well enough I can walk on it without aid of the crutches now. So I gladly put the crutches away - I hate those cursed crutches - although the did come in handy and were needful, I still despise them. I really do.

I'm going to trust this new doctor - despite some concerns. After all, his treatment worked better than my former doctor. Right? Right. There is no need in me over worrying myself into becoming a hypochondriac. Wait! Should I be treated for that too? Oh great! Now I need sugar pills to cure this disorder!!! Oh man! I'm starting to see things - I see YOU! and YOU and YOU and...

My apologies. I guess the hypochondria jesting has been done to death by various peoples over the years. I couldn't resist it though. Oh come on! Come back here. I wont do it again.. really! Jeesh - everyone is a critic. Anyways - I am free from my crutches (for now) until the next ailment comes along.

Posted at 11:53 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(4) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Doctah-Doctah

I'm going back to the new doctor in the morning (friday) afore cause of me ____. When I sleep or take a nap my ____ experiences a really killer amount of spasm oriented pain. After such an episode a vein what is situated on top of my foot just were my big toe meets the ____ all the way across the ____ up to my ankle rises like a big blue snake. It flattens out after a little while though.

I'm not sure what that means but I guess its better to check it out. I mean, my _____ is an important walking tool. I gotta admit not being able to walk on my ____ without the use of crutches is wearing thin on me noives. I can walk mind you - but if I'm not using my crutches and walk on my _____ , the _____ starts swelling lawts and lawts.

HA! Once again.., I knew you was waiting for me to mess up and actually say the word, foot. But I made it through without mentioning, foot, not once. No, not even once did I mention, foot. Sorry to disappoint you all - but when I determined I wasn't going to mention my foot, I meant it! So in your face! in your face! Muahahahahahaaa!

Posted at 05:21 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(5) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Imaginary Friends and Lovers

Ever hear that song about the "Imaginary Lover"? Well - my imaginary friend went away and now I got an Imaginary Girlfriend!!! And let me tell you - she's lewkeeng geud! She's real pretty (assuming you could see her) and she talks a lot like Charo, the Spanish guitarist/singer/actress/comedian.

My Imaginary Girlfriend's name is, Lucinda Juanita Juandice Delecroix Jemenez Dominique and here is the imaginary email she sent me this morning....,

Dear Customer

We were hoping to avoid taking such drastic action but your failure to pay your agreed monthly.....

WHOA! Wrong Email. Hold on a second....... ****sifts through email**** ....., okay, here it is. Here's the lovely romantic email I got from my Imaginary girl friend, Lucinda Juanita Juandice Delecroix Jemenez Dominique ...

Dearest Daveman...,

Ju make me to have my hart swell to big paddy-booms. My leeps wan to tuch jur leeps because, jur leeps is so fat like sessy sponges of luf. Pleese - pleese make the sessy keessy face for me jus wan more time, my sessy Daveman?

Ju ha make me so very happy my heeps wiggle and jiggle and R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r Coochie- Coochie, yeehaa! See what ju do to me my Capi-tan Daveman? Make with the keessy face to me now! I wait for ju my luf!!! An when ju come, bring a ring or ju are a dead man.

Sincerely, Jur Imaginary Girl Friend..,

Lucinda Juanita Juandice Delecroix Jemenez Dominique

You know what? I'm beginning not to like this imaginary girlfriend, already. Have you priced imaginary rings, let alone ever seen one? Besides - my lips ain't fat! What noive! and that trilling coochie-coohie was annoying enough when Charo did it. Suppose Lucinda stood up in a restaurant and did that? I'd be so embarrassed.

FOOT REPORT: Except for a smooth surfaced slight puffiness - the foot looks good. Oh and there is still a red patch on my foot. Not really as much red as it is pinkish/tan type of appearance. And certain ways I move my foot as I try to exercise it causes some pain similar to a slightly sprained ankle and across the top tendons. I may reschedule an appointment to see Dr. Krishna to see if the skin infection is purely a secondary condition. I really cant see how a skin infection can cause pain "in" the ankle and tendons.

Posted at 07:34 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool
<--(8) Pleading Hostages --> -Alternate Reality Speak-