As you last read (in part 1) my plan to instill fear into my older brother (Blues Brutha) went slightly awry.  My punishment? I was grounded for the rest of the day.  My think was - "stay inside the house"? where my evil plans were most effective, and where my misdeed took place?  This gave me time to prepare more devious notes to slip under big brother's door in advance.  I think I had one of almost every day of the week for a month written down before I got bored.

 

And now - I focus on my younger brother, who was the sibling from hades.  This kid (The Village Idiot) was more devious (but not smarter) than I was - just in a different way. He got away with murder.  Not literally.., but then.., who really knows.  One small example of his treachery;  TVI (The Village Idiot) wanted something of mine, a model car, to play with.  I informed him that it was breakable and not a toy.., so.., it would be a cold day in hell before I let him play with said model car.  This little monster (at age 10) grinned, socked himself in the eye, ran to mother and whined tearfully "He hit me in the eye!  He hit me in the eye!" and proceeded to scream in mock pain.  My 13 year old arse got warmed up when Dad got home.

 

Now, I was fully aware from Sunday School, that "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord" - but I decided a little help was in order. Why should the Lord be worried with the matter if I take care of it for him?  No harm, no foul.  A plan was hatched, developed and redefined to perfection.  All I needed was the proper time. And yes, I allowed for the potential Mom Factor which got me in trouble before.

 

The moment of opportunity arrived!  I got off the school bus and as usual, The Village Idiot, dragged his heels slowly toward the house.  Imagine my delighted to I seen the car was gone! which translated into, 'Mom and Dad were gone to the store!' !!!! YES!   TVI's butt was mine! Muahahahahaha!

 

After purposefully leaving the door under the carport leading to the kitchen open, I took up my station by the window what looked out into the open carport, peering through the sheer curtain, waiting for little brother to approach.  AH! There he was - just walking under the carport - then I initiated my deviousness.  Puberty is great in that it deepens your voice a bit and allows you to do other voices - this being a key component to my master plan.  Big brother was grown by this time, married and outta there - so no interference there.  In fact, Blues Brutha would have helped with this one I think.

 

TVI's PERSPECTIVE:  As he stands under carport.., hears voices..., that of his brother, and one of a total stranger, a sinister strange man

DAVE: " I swear mister - I don't know! Please dint hurt me! Put away that knife!!!"

MAN:  (deeper voice) "Shut up kid! Shut up and answer me now or I'll cut off your dingle berries.  Is there anyone else in the house? Maybe a kid brother coming in from school?"

DAVE: "N.., n.., n..., n.., No sir! I am an only child and dint have a little brother - PLEASE DON'T HURT HIM!"

(all this time I am watching little brother through the sheer fabric - he cant see me because its dark inside - he's sold that some crazy man is in the house assaulting me)

MAN:  "Are you sure? I like to EAT little brothers.  They taste like ham.., and I REALLY love ham" 

 

About this time, TVI, runs across the street to the neighbor's house. THIS WAS NOT allowed for in my plan.  The Neighbor Factor!  Plan B was thought out out quickly as neighbor lady. Mrs. R, came walking innocent little TVI home to see what was going on.  She knocks on the door and I answer.

 

ME:        "Hi Mrs R."

MRS. R:  "Hello David. Is everything alright over here?"

ME:        (maintaining cool demeanor) "Yes ma'am.  Why do you ask?"

MRS. R:  "Your little brother seems to think someone is in your house killing everyone. He heard voices?"

ME:         "Oh!", I laughed.., "That must have been the TV. There was a movie on."

[at this time - we did not have a Tv because it was broken]

MRS. R:  "So everything is fine?  Can I come in and look around just to make sure?"

ME:  (thinking, yeah sure, just dint turn on the Television)  "Yes ma'am.  You are welcome here anytime and I am sure mother and father will appreciate your checking on our wellbeing". (my Eddie Haskel routine was to die for)

 

Mrs. R, comes in and looks around real quick while TVI is glaring at me suspiciously, putting two and two together in his beady little brain.  I'm carrying a defiant smirk which conveniently vanishes each time Mrs. R, looks back my direction.

"Okay - everything looks in order, I'll be going..," she said, then looked at TVI.., you really have a vivid imagination, son.  Everything is fine." - and with that, she took her leave.

 

At that moment, TVI points his finger at me with eyes wide..., on reflection very much reminded me of Isaac, on Children of the Corn about to call up 'he who walks behind the rows'...., "You tricked me! You wait till Mom and Dad get back..., you are sooo dead!"

 

Long story short - After our parents return.., The Village Idiot, tried to convince Mom and Dad that I had been a bad boy - but when they questioned Mrs. R about events, the folks were content that, TVI was just over imaginative.  Muahahahaa! Muahahahaa!  take that Isaac!  But this is not the final chapter.., nay.., the best perhaps.., but not the last.   Unless I forget - I intend to post PART 3 of the Memoir Files: The Phantom Menace in October, when it tis more appropriate.