Memoir Files: "The Phantom Menace"

Thursday, September 13, 2007

PART 1

When older brother, Blues Brutha , and I were kids, as well as my younger brother, The Village Idiot (TVI) ..., I was the middle finger - I mean - middle child. As such I usually ended up with the short end of the stick, so I had to find some means of balancing things out. I found two elements that worked rather well; The pencil and scaring the fudge soup out of my siblings! This left me with a feeling of satisfaction - at least until the tables were turned.

Now, big brother never quite what you would call "pound me into mince meat".., but more like playful, punches and noogies to the head bone. If he had of decided to pound me into mince meat, he coulda but he didn't. However, I'm sure that doesn't mean he didn't at least think about it a time or twelve.

We would slip rather insulting notes and taunts under each others bedroom doors. In my case, it was slip it under the door and run to my room to lock myself in. I only remember two or three of those insults and taunts - one of which was something like "You eat dog crap AND LIKE IT!". Now why would I feel the need to run after slipping a note like that under big brother's door? I have no clue.

One incident I had planned on scaring big bro. So I made my plan, slipped an insulting note under his door that ended with "You cant find me because you are too stupid". My plan worked great - up until it blew up in my face. I know what you're thinking at this point - but you are getting way ahead of me and cheating yourself. I ran to my room, climbed up onto the shelf in my closet and covered myself with a sheet - thinking I was well hidden.

I lay quiet, waiting for big bro to come in looking for me. I was sure he would look in the closet, just not expect me to be hiding on the shelf. The door opened! I waited for the moment I would fling off the sheet and yell 'BOOO!'. Such things had to be well timed you must understand. But - it just didn't work that way. The sheet was pulled off me, as I yelled "BOOOO!" My mother screamed - stepped back - saw it was me and my butt was toast. Big bro had a major laugh about that one and reminded me of it for a whole month.

Apparently my mother figured I was outside and wasn't going to change my bed sheets so she would do it. It was a matter of baaaaad timing on my part. It didn't even occur to me about the Mom Factor. That was the only time she ever got caught in the middle - and I made darn sure to consider the Mom Factor after my foo-poo.

I tend to think of our growing up years as the Brady Bunch Boys gone horribly wrong. REALLY baaaad and really wrong. Stay tuned for "The Phantom Menace - Part Two" of the Memoir Files.., whereby I terrorized..., [insert dramatic musical overture here].., younger brother.., The Village Idiot! Oh come off the high horses - he was there and somebody had to do it. Better me than a stranger, right?. Right? RIIIGHHHT?

Posted at 11:55 am - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool


	pendoodles September 14, 2007 06:45 AM PDT ^5s Daveman back *snickers my best Mutley laugh hehehe...


	Herb September 14, 2007 06:10 AM PDT Okay, I really did lol on that one. As long as I don't lollygag we'll be okay.


	Joe September 13, 2007 09:43 PM PDT If it was me, I woulda slipped that note under the door, then spent the afternoon at a friends house just imagining big brother tearing the place apart looking for you.


	CamiKaos September 13, 2007 08:23 PM PDT I laughed so hard my ribs hurt....


	W. Ranter September 13, 2007 06:07 PM PDT I'm glad my boys aren't that mean to each other. Oh wait. Never mind.


	Daveman September 13, 2007 04:44 PM PDT ABBY: Yeah - and her raising three boys must have tested her very last nerves. Hey wait! You got three boys! salutes Abby TERRI: Well - Mom grounded me for the rest of the day. As bad as I scared her I considered myself lucky she didnt have a heart attack.


	AbbyNormal September 13, 2007 03:50 PM PDT My goodness. I just realized... There was a mother. How I feel for that woman.


	terri September 13, 2007 03:19 PM PDT Awesome plan with not so awesome results. Did your mom punish you good? Personally, I would have laughed if one of my kids pulled that one and I got caught in the middle!


	Daveman September 13, 2007 01:30 PM PDT PEN: That was mean! I am shocked at you!!! high fives pen, secretly


	pendoodles September 13, 2007 01:19 PM PDT i LOVE this entry hehehe *thinks to myself... blackmail for later... i used to be cruel to my brother (hes 8yrs younger) and sneak into his room while he was sleeping and whisper into his ear... SPIDERS - creepy crawly spiders - the human brain eating spiders are going to crawl into your ears while you sleep and eat your brains hehehe nowdays hes petrified of spiders - all 6'3" 250lbs of him - not to mention hes as stupid as a turnip growing upside down in the garden of life ROFL - hes a sheriffs deputy ;)

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