Ever Meta Baby? « Davemania

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Ever Meta Baby?

LAURI: (struts drunkenly toward her shabby sofa)

"The le-cat is put out Onri. Fetch me some Bonjour?"

ONRI:

"Ci - I can get you the aqua you ask-ed for, my love money biscuit flower"

--------[Onri disappears and enters with a cup full of flour]----

"Here you are senorita, my little turtle duck. Satisfy your thirst"

LAURI: (sits up, accepts the cup of flour and throws it into moving ceiling fan, then collapses onto the sofa again)

"Oh! Onri! Look! It is snowing? Yes it is. It is snowing. Sing for me, Onri, sing!"

ONRI: (empties a flower pot and places it upon his head, strumming an air guitar - sings)

"I was walking through the park one day - one day. In the very merry month of may - may. When I was punched in the groin by a midget purloined - in the merry merry month of may..., I really mean it, babey..., in.., the.., merry - merry..., month of..., mah-haaaaaay!"

(removes flower pot and crashes it to the floor - startling Lauri)

LAURI: (eyes wild - then relaxed - then wild - then relaxed)

"Onri. I want a divorce. My le-cat is now hating you so much. Does this surprise you, my love?"

ONRI: (Frowns then smiles as he speaks)

"Yes it does my gatto loving sphinx monkey toes. As you wish. I am a judge so I can give it to you now. If not for you are so pregnant? Yes you are my freaktress tartar."

LAURI: (lifts up an obvious toy doll wearing diapers)

"Yes. But no longer. I am now have my baby. He looks like you Onri? Yes he does."

(baby doll has magic marker drawn mustache)

ONRI: (strokes his naked face, eyes darting back and forth)

"I must shave. Yes! My daughter looks like me! YES! But why are you going to kill me?"

LAURI: (lifts a butcher knife in the air - baby doll is gone)

Because you have cheated on me. My baby looks like Franco - the Argentinian who is in our Gardiner employment. You cheap hussy of a man! You have bring-ed chame on me and your child? Yes - you have. So I must kill you know.

ONRI: (has profound look of guilt on his face)

But my love, my flower booger, essence of my posturity.., I do not unnerstan how we can have this baby that way with my cheating on you with Franco - the Argentinian who is in our Gardiner employment? How could I have done this?

LAURI: (intense accusatory expression)

"Metamorphosis, Onri! Metamorphosis. Thats right. LeAlien space aminal DNA transference all because of your uncontrollable - le-lust, Onri!"

END SCENE

and

~ FIN ~

Posted at 04:03 pm - Scribbled out by Daveman the Cool


	G~ February 23, 2006 03:00 PM PST um....... .....never mind.


	Anthony February 18, 2006 03:43 AM PST this is a masterpiece (barbeque sauce) play! you should totally do a 'Direct to DVD' release!


	Penny February 17, 2006 08:11 AM PST AH, MAN! I shouldn't have read the comments! You gave away the ending and I was SO hoping for a sequel! <grabs tissue and wipes tears from eyes>


	plh February 17, 2006 06:53 AM PST cough coughhhhhhhhhhhhh coughityyyyyyyy cough hackity coughhhhhhhhh hackkkkk coughity hack cough le alien left germs :P


	Aile February 17, 2006 05:23 AM PST I see you are on zee pain killers, no?


	Daveman February 16, 2006 06:24 PM PST EXPLANASHONE: Ze pants were behind ze le-couch. And ze Le-Babee - crawled off to Shang-Hai, Cincinnati - became a stock broker and died an old poor rich hack writing crappy foreign films. Franco - left his Gardiner Employment to be the Le-Babee's Chauffeur. A Turtle Duck is a metaphor for ..eh... something I am not so cure of. So there you have it.


	kevin the one-armed boy February 16, 2006 05:44 PM PST Eh, but what of zee pants? You make zee play but make no mention of zee how you say.....trowzairs?


	AbbyNormal February 16, 2006 05:11 PM PST Fin!??! FIN?!?! What about le baybee? And what of Franco?? So many unanswered questions! Like what's a turtle duck? I luv the foreen feelm! So artsy here!


	JesterJosh February 16, 2006 04:52 PM PST I don't get it... so it must be great! searches eBay for remnants of flower pot

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