There was no reason for the taunting. Her name was Candy. She sat on a bench minding her own business. A woman perhaps five foot four inches tall, morbidly obese and just 20 years old. Three people, two twenty year old men and a woman went out of their way to taunt her. "Pig!" - "Hey beached whale!" - "You're going to bust that bench - get off it you cow!"
Sir Daveman, idiot extraordinary, ran to the crying woman's rescue, and chased off the hooligans. I tried to cheer her up with some of my best humor - and it worked. Reinforced her self esteem and had to go to classes, bidding her well wishes as I went. Never at any point did I do anything to make her think this was a romantic spur of the moment rendezvous. I was careful of that.
Later that day on Campus I saw a girl I had my eye on for a whole week! She was every thing I could hope for - or so I hoped. I filled my lungs with air, braced up, put on my best personality (the only one I had) and made my way over. I had her laughing and smiling and her eyes just beamed like crystallite in the sun.
All of the sudden - this Daveman's moment in the sun was dashed in a billion chards as Candy came barreling out of now where (how she could run like that a mystery) and smashed the poor object of my affections into the ground. "STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN YOU BLEEPIN HO!" She screamed like a banshee (actual wording cleaned up quite a bit for the readership).
"Whoa! Candy! I'm not you're man, there never was an, Us!..." my voice trailed as a crowd gathered and dirty looks came ripping through from most of them while others snickered. I could read their minds as Candy stood there crying, looking at me as if we had been long time lovers and I was a lousy scum boyfriend. The object of my affection shot her dirty looks but gave me even dirtier looks. I was suddenly the evil bad boy on campus to be shunned. A user loser.
No amount of explaining would be heard nor accepted from the object of my effection, nor the crowd. So I shifted my focus to Candy and explained that the day I saw her, I was being a friend to her that day I ran those oafs off. I explained how no human being should have been treated like she was treated and my intervention was not a romantic overture of any sort. And of course I thanked her for ruining my life in return and walked off being shunned by virtually everyone. Truly this one good deed of mine returned a curse and not a blessing.
PART TWO - Later - "Another Broken Heart on Campus"
It never seemed to stop. I mean, really!
PS - will report on the doctor visit this afternoon unless they throw me in the hospital or something.
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